Where do we go from here?
Only you would know…
I am sitting here pondering myself
Because you don’t lend me your mind
How did we get here?
I imagine it’s all my fault
You changed along with me
Now we’re both lost in our hearts
What do you want from me?
I really don’t have a clue
Your feelings elude me
Your heart cold and skewed
When did we fall apart, my love?
Not sure how we reached this demise
I don’t remember losing your heart
Regrets overflow my mind
Why do we do this to each other?
I wish I could take it all back
For my love is always with you
Even on the darkest of our days
She sits here worrying and contemplating her life, and she doesn’t know which path she should take. There are good choices and bad ones along her way. Just like everyone else, she has to make those hard choices. It just feels too heavy and labored to find a way to be happy. All she really does is make herself more miserable with each decision she makes. Everyone wants her to be strong and carry herself to her destination, but, honestly, she’s just a girl.
She doesn’t have all the answers to the mysteries of this world, and she doesn’t always make the right choices. Her struggles are just as real as his or hers or you or yours. Each of those struggles drags her down and breaks her. Each time she breaks, she tries to cope with the bits of herself that she has lost, not knowing if she will ever be able to get those pieces back or repair herself. Her mind is a mess, and her heart has turned stone cold. She cannot do everything for everyone anymore because she’s just a girl.
The reason she is just a girl is that she doesn’t know how to do or be anything or anyone else. This is all she has ever been, and it is probably all she ever will be. Broken. Incapable of giving or receiving love. Lost. Forsaken. She just cannot find her way back to the path that will lead her to the destination that she has always dreamed of. Her struggle is real, and she hopes she can make it through all of the pain of this life.
Afterall, she is just this average girl with average struggles and immense pain.
The fear inside screaming out loud
You find yourself in the middle of pain
Looking for that tiny little shroud
Of hope…keeping you steady and sane
Torn up… on the deep of your insides
Causing your heart to feel panicked
Your mind going on roller coaster rides
You find yourself feeling quite manic
Struggling…not able to breathe in and out
The pressure on your shoulders hold you down
Teetering on what is real or what it’s all about
You feel like your under…ready to drown
via Daily Prompt: Panicked
If you have one
You’ve only just begun
You don’t wanna jump the gun
Because we are just beginning the fun
It’s better to have something
Because all of nothing is none
Some of something is some
A lot of many things can be a ton
Time to run!
via Daily Prompt: None
She walked in the door
Dressed in all her splendor
Her look caught his wandering eye
He went to her with candor
She outstretched her hand towards him
A merry meet on her mind
He balanced the soft of her hand at his lips
Bringing an explosion of energy so divine
Her knees went weak
His kiss trailed up her arm
No intentions of stopping him
No need to throw the alarm
A new feeling filling up her heart
Her past brought nothing but tears
She could get used to the treatment
An apprentice to his love for years
via Daily Prompt: Apprentice
Thank you to stoneronarollercoaster blog for nominating me the Liebster Blog award. I am so excited as this is my first nomination for any blogging award. I appreciate it greatly! 🙂
The rules of this award:
1. Acknowledge the blog who nominated you and display the award.
2. Answer the 11 questions the blogger gives you.
3. Give 11 random facts about yourself.
4. Nominate 11 blogs.
5. Notify those blogs of the nomination.
6. Give them 11 questions to answer.
11 Questions For The Nominees
- Your favorite Movie?
My favorite movie would have to be The Breakfast Club. I love that movie!
- Your one skill/hobby that you use to heal yourself?
I ground myself and meditate.
- A book that changed your perspective/life?
Bag of Bones — It was the first book that I read, and it really shows you in the beginning of it that life is way too short.
- 3 things you absolutely have to have in your dream house?
Hmm. Three things I would absolutely have to have in my dream house would be a wrap-around porch, an open floor plan, and a hot tub.
- The most ecstatic moment of your life?
Each birth of my three children.
- One thing you know you are good at?
Wet-sanding a vehicle to prep it for paint…
- Your current favorite song?
A Million Reasons – Lady Gaga
- The biggest risk you have taken so far?
- Your favorite quote?
“Fiction is the truth inside the lie.”
― Stephen King
- Cats or dogs?
Both…I tend to take in all the strays that come along. We even have a possum that found sanctuary here, and we feed her.
- Your favorite joke?
My favorite joke is anything joke that makes me laugh. I cannot think of one that would be appropriate to post. *laughs*
11 random facts about me
- I am a TV junkie.
- I am not a big fan of reality shows, except cooking ones.
- I don’t really care for chocolate.
- My favorite Stephen King book is Bag of Bones.
- I only need two things to be happy when I wake up, cigarettes and Pepsi.
- I am a night owl.
- I am a Gemini.
- I hate confrontation.
- I love to use profanity.
- I play a game called Second Life.
- I’ve had a couple surgeries since March 2016.
My Nominees (in no particular order)
11 Questions For The Nominees
- Who is your biggest inspiration when writing?
- What do you like to do when you aren’t blogging?
- What is the first thing you do every morning?
- What are three things you need to survive?
- What is your favorite writing topic?
- What kind of music do you like?
- Pepsi or Coke?
- What is your greatest fear?
- Where do you like to vacation?
- What is your favorite food?
- What is your favorite quote?
via Daily Prompt: Perfume
The smell of your skin
Lingering upon mine
That sweet scent of love
I sniff and reminisce
Your essence like perfume
Bringing memories to illuminate within
Radiating to all my senses
Luring me to breathe you in
Longing for more time with you
I find myself craving your presence
You’re my love drug…
I can’t get enough
When life feels confusing
And I don’t know where I am
I linger about a new musing
Of lyrics, gold, and glam
Feelings made to words
Words subdue the confusion
Whether rhymes of singing birds
Or phrases of my own delusion
Like the lyrics of a song
Or the moves of a brand new dance
They never do me wrong
Nothing is left to chance
Even as I write to you now
Life is as crazy as it gets
Some things to make a raise in brow
Some things I’d like to forget
Sometimes life is full of strife
It even brings you low and down
Life your chin up to your life
Let the letters become your crown
A Note From E.M.
Every single day is a struggle, but that is why we are all here. We have the ability to lift each other up and allow the words to flow out of us. Thank you to all of those that have supported me by reading what I write.
Last January I lost my father, and it has been one of the hardest things that I have ever encountered in my life. The feeling that I will never be able to call him, hear his voice, complain about this or that…it’s overwhelming still after a year of him being gone. I think the word I am looking for to describe it is surreal. It still seems like he is there, and then I realize that he is gone. Losing a parent feels like a completely different loss to me than losing a friend or other family member.
Through every loss in your life though, you get something in return…at least that is how I think about it. I got back my ability to write again. Dad was a poet, and he had wisdom well beyond what I had ever imagined growing up. I admired him as my father, but I don’t think I saw him completely until I was sifting through my box of photos and his stuff that I brought back after the funeral. His poems were also in this box. I sat here for hours reading all of them. I learned so much about him that I never knew, and it brought tears to my eyes. As soon as I was done reading, I created this blog, and I have been writing for hours upon hours now…the only rest between was sleep. He inspired me to start writing again because it is what we have always shared with one another.
Growing up I would share my short stories and poems with him, and he would critique them in a caring but efficient way. Sometimes it made me so mad when he would give me direction on one of my stories, but as I look back, I appreciate that criticism. It was hard to take in. I was just a little girl…about 10 years old I would think looking back. I had no idea then that we would share the same passion for creativity and expressiveness.
His pen name was S.A. Kingston, and he was a brilliant poet and artist of words. He was my Dad, and I miss him dearly. I am thankful I have his poems to look back on and reflect on who he was because it is helping me find myself again.
So, here I am, Dad. I am writing again, and it feels really good. Thank you for giving me the inspiration to feel through my words again and share my creativity with the world. You are my light in the window of my soul. I will keep the candle burning for you.