E.M. Sees Tranquility – #WDYS Prompt

Tranquility is something that I try to find but have a hard time fighting through my demons to find it. This prompt from Sadje for What Do You See? has brought me a bit of it. Below the picture is my viewpoint of this beautiful picture.

Image credit; Sean Robertson @ Unsplash

The rocks are still as they wear the fog.

The moss grows as a remnant of moisture that used to gather at the rock peaks.

A lone neuron in my brain say peace and tranquility live here.

The incantation of my spirit grows with the flow of the water and fog along the surface.

How does the water decide which way it will go as it approaches the rocks, I wonder?

The screed of the construction of rocks create the art of nature.

It’s tranquil, free, and without restraint.

xoxo, E.M.

My Stream of Consciousness – 10/16/2021 – A lot of “Ifs”

If only I had been stronger to fight the demons, my life would be different. However, she tells me that I am very strong to have been through so much and continue to stand strong and achieve my goals.

If I would have listened to my inner self, I could have saved my family many tears, pain, and sorrow.

If I would have lived my life better and made better choices, they would have never suffered from my failures.

If I look to the moon and stars, I can feel a connection with this amazing energy, but I waste it sometimes.

If he asked me to come back, I would let him.

If I was a little bit more brave, I would tell him how I really feel.

If I felt better, I would get more done.

If I would have started my life sooner, it would resolve so much regret.

If my physical pain would subside, my mental would feel less stressed.

If I look in the mirror, I sometimes do not like the face staring back at me.

If I achieve my dreams, I will feel star spangled inside of my soul for once.

If I would have noticed his behavior before marrying him, he would have never been able to swindle all of my stuff away from me, and I would have been able to be more productive financially.

If not for betrayal, I would have never been able to espy towards the type of person that I want to be. It’s a process daily, but it is in my sights.

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This was written for Linda’s Stream of Consciousness (SoCS) weekly prompt. I combined the word challenges in this as well since I am running behind today. It’s so many “ifs”, but there is room for improvement by looking at them and seeing what I need to be doing to fix myself.

Anxious Heartbreak

Her upper lip quivered as she felt her heart being ripped from her chest.

The world she had created was being swallowed up by the fissure of mistakes of her past.

One conversation would change life back to a time when she was unstable and broken.

Her heartbreak was matching the anxiousness she was feeling in her soul as she lost everything again.

She had no understanding how it is always so easy for people to walk out of her life.

Except they do that all the time, and it is always when her life is one huge bungle of failure.

She’s running out of lives to live…

xoxo, E.M.

E.M.’s Photo Challenge #386

This is the first time using this Photo Challenge prompt from Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie, and I am really excited to try it. I am going to mix the word challenges in this creation, and I hope you all enjoy it.

Photo Credit: Caters

He looks down at the dirty streets filled with cars and people, and he wonders what it would feel like to fall. Tears fill his eyes in a flood of emotion, and he runs his fingers along the underside of groovy edges on the cement balcony upon which he sits while peeking over the edge of his knees. He feels like his life is an allusion of what he should be, and the sounds coming from below are bloodcurdling, loud, and triggering.

He is too scared to push off forward to his demise, and he hopes someone will come to save him from himself. He wants to look back but can only look down. His face flushes with fear, and his ears feel as hot as the sun in the desert.

Then it happened. He no longer felt like he was on fire. He feels divine intervention holding onto him as his heart races, causing a shiver in his bones.

“I can’t do this”, he says to himself. He slowly backs his bottom to where he can put each leg in a safe place and exits his looming demise.

“I have too much life to live to go out like this. Thank you, God!”

He exits the balcony, grabs a bottle of water, and walks out the door to never go back again.

Me vs Me

Heavy breath from my lips
Used to be light and fluffy
My thoughts now so radioactive
Toxic to my well-being
A tide of events breaks my heart
Into pieces of what used to be me
My anxiety is a man-eater, except I’m female
Raging with it’s own hormones and darkness
It’s ludicrious how much I live there
Inside of myself, hating this version
Of who I have become from who I was
This person a malapert edition of failure
I straddle my emotions like a horse
Trying to guide my essence, but being overcome
I need to find out who I am again…

xoxo, E.M.

This is my submission for the word challenges from Daily Spur, Fandango, Ragtag, My Vivid Blog, Word of the Day Challenge, and Your Daily Word Prompt.

Voices: E.M.’s First Sestina

I got a little preoccupied trying a new style of poetry, so I have not posted since Friday. One of my fellow writers, revivedwriter, did a Sestina, and it was so cool that I wanted to try it myself. It’s a very difficult poetry style, and it really challenged me. With that said, I am using the word challenges from October 1st and October 2nd to write the Sestina.

The word challenges for October 1 & 2 were as follows:

Now, let’s continue with Voices…

Brief moments of peace, I yearn to have some quiet
Every feeling inside of me, so raw and extreme
I sit still, listening to an empty room become loud
With the voices jabbering inside of my head
My footsteps are like those of a ghoul sneaking by me
These walls hold my pain, my declivity, and my soul

The fear I am sick with consumes my aching soul
Change has me on eggshells, “be very quiet!”
The figment in my imagination, the pain eats at me
All of my senses intensified, it’s to an extreme
My failure rings out like a bell inside of my head
As I cannot quiet my suffering that screams loud

Respect for my situation is truth, but still I cry loud
As the wave of blame falls upon my tired soul
I carry everything…so heavy…on my shoulders and head
No tight hugs to hold me when the darkness becomes quiet
A rarity is the one good feeling, all it takes to heal me

A plethora of emotions come close and swallow me
The feeling of drowning when the voices get too loud
Out of control thoughts, no longer mild, only extreme
They are picking and tearing into this old tired soul
Stop! Why can you not be quiet?
This is too much…get out of my head!

My nerves are dancing and standing intrinsic to my head
As they feel of life, the decay of my essence threatens me
They refuse to sit down, dancing about and not quiet
The more I kick and scream, the dancing is getting so loud
This illness is sickening and overwhelming everything about me
Do you hear me? I am yelling at you with my voice loud!
Only to find out I am not loud at all…It’s quiet.

xoxo, E.M.

Long story, short…

I’ve been packing today and trying to find everything I need, including every document to start a new life yet again. My hand has been upon my forehead in distress several times today, but we got a vast amount of work completed for the move, my daughter and I. We are very much alike and share many genetic and personality similarities, except my hoarding. I keep little, primordial things that date back to before the kids were born, and I get agitated if I lose my things. I have lost so much that the little things mean the most…

Did I mention that I hate moving more than laundry or dishes? LOL

I hope you enjoy my short story of my day using all of my word challenges *smiles*

xoxo, E.M.

Early Years of E.M.

I am back with the word challenges today from my favorite daily prompts, and I figured I would take it back to a time when life was easy, which was just being a kid who learned to write poems and found her creativity. I hope you all will enjoy!

The word challenges today are teacher from Nox, composition from Fandango, phobia from Ragtag, watery from WOTD via Cyanny, hint from My Vivid Blog (my first for this prompt), and repine from Your Daily Word Prompt (also the first one).

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A teacher lit the light in my soul
Bringing me to poetry composition
The phobia of doubting myself vanished
The connection become immediate and real
No repine from me, in the feelings of my peers
I wrote without of hint of holding back
Like the watery falls from atop a mountain
I found my way with words and expression
I found who I am…

xoxo, E.M.

Torn Inside Out

Since, I didn’t get much time yesterday to write and release, I will be using the words from September 27th (yesterday) and today to let all of this pain out of my heart. Hopefully all the words together will release some pain and provide something interesting to read for all of you. These inspirations, the challenges, give me a way to heal inside to carry on my day. They trigger my creativity instead of my mental illness. Thank you to all of you that contribute to me feeling better each and every single day.

The word challenges for Monday were shoot from the Daily Spur, inebriated from Fandango, bluff from Ragtag, and adjustment from WOTD via Kristian.

Today’s word challenges are bitter from the Daily Spur, novice from Fandango, escape from Ragtag, and bittersweet from WOTD via Melanie B Cee.

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The day for me to escape has come abruptly
No warning, but I saw it coming
Moving west to middle, an adjustment
There will be nobody calling my bluff

I’m sad, happy, scared, and bitter
All things come with a price
My heart will be inebriated with fear
Until all comes together in peace

Like a novice endeavoring into a new career
I am an expert and returned from where I ran
I will shoot my shot to try again
In a place I never believed I would ever go back

I prayed for peace and a place of home
Bittersweet the place I will land
Wish me luck soon, as I’ll be on my way
My heart’s torn inside out to leave

xoxo, E.M.

Rewind: Backwards I Go

As per usual, I will be combining my word of the day challenges into one post with a new poetry style, which today will be A L’arora. It is another Laura Lamarca style, and consists of four 8-line stanzas without a syllabic restriction. The 6th and 8th line will be the only rhymes.

The word challenges today are bowl from Daily Spur, late from Fandango, amenable from Ragtag, and clueless from WOTD via Cyanny.

This post is inspired by last night’s events with the toxic ones. I will be moving soon. I still don’t know how I feel about it. I may be going backwards.

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I’m trying to move on but keep climbing to be pushed down
Like running up a human-sized bowl with slippers on my feet
Slipping, I struggle and wriggle and beg and plead unsuccessfully
I have become amenable to your behavior, your ways, and your abuse
My insides are screaming for safety, quality, and peace
To feel the essence of my own being sounds of sanctity and bliss

Just let me be and leave me alone…let me live
You think you have not erred…dumbfound and clueless

It’s too late to stop what you put into motion
I am turning my back, walking away, gone soon
In my eyes and heart, you’ll no longer exist
A stranger with no sister, no nieces, no great niece
Your family is leaving you and lacking one tear on our face
Your own doing, losing us all this way

All I wanted is to breath, to excel, and be myself
Your control, anger, and denial turned brightness gray

Calling me out of my name that came from my birth
Pushing and yelling, your triggered my soul
Pain and suffering was not ever the master plan of my move
Dumbed out here like garbage, I needed a light for my path
I was met with your darkness, exploits, and disdain

I have to save me now from the wrath of your illness
Conversations and a relationship are dead, I refrain

You broke me from the innermost part of who I could be tomorrow
Money is not what makes this world spin upon it’s axis
Only controls people to make them as puppets of their masters
All I wanted is to be who I am, successful and benevolent
You wanted mirror-image, to mold me as an imposter

All of this sorrow, so unneeded, unnecessary, and preventable
You can check my name off of your “people to abuse” roster

xoxo, E.M.