Wisdom from E.M.

It’s important to resolve conflict in your life to feel better and live better. If you are not able to fix those differences in your relationships, I believe it is a sign to let go.

But…that’s the hard part, right? Letting go of someone you care about? I think it’s worth it for you and your inner self to try everything to fix a problem before giving up.

The only disclaimer would be, “When is it really over?” You just have to know when to cut the cord on your willingness to be vulnerable in order to resolve the conflicts in your life.

That’s my wisdom of the day. Do you think it’s better to go the extra mile to repair bad things and resolve your conflicts, or is it better to see the problem and move on as soon as you get the red flags?


This was written for Linda Hill’s January Jot It Down and Saturday Stream of Consciousness.

Friday Awake & Saturday Sleeping

Yesterday was kind of a crazy day for me. I am having to get used to the new medicine, and it’s making my mind and my body go really fast. Then today, I woke up and could not wake up. I felt so sleepy because the past 4 days were so fast and was like a speed high. I took a nap, and now I am going to get some writing done.

However, yesterday I did write on the Hollow story and on Sebastian’s story, so be looking for those when I post them up. I am using a few of yesterday’s challenges to continue the story about the cave, which is The Hollow.

Good things are coming from these prompts! I like the inspiration, so thank you to everyone that puts the challenges and prompts out for me to use to better my skills.

xoxo, E.M.

E.M.’s World: Share Your World Answers 10/18/21

Are you easily frightened or startled?

I am absolutely the easiest person to frighten or startle. It has not always been that way. I used to love scary things and watching a good horror/thriller flick on television. Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. The problem is that now when I watch scary movies that I have night terrors, and I get startled easy, even around the people I live with. If someone is walking through the house when I am not expecting it, it makes me jump and even scream out sometimes. I am not sure when I got so fearful or when the night terrors started or why, but it probably has a little to do with my PTSD and anxiety. It really got bad when I watched The Grudge. My family pokes a little fun at how much I get scared of dolls, clowns, and zombies. At least everyone can get a bit of amusement on my “scary” factor in my personality lol.

(Purely whimsical supposition.  Suspend disbelief for a bit)
If you were a ghost, what location do you think you would haunt? Is it the same or different from the location you’d want
 to haunt?

If I were a ghost, I would probably be stuck in this backyard at my house, but when it comes to where I would haunt, that location is different. I would want to haunt my ex-husband’s house and give back some of the torment and mental problems he gave me. In the first situation, I would not be a malevolent ghost, but in the second situation I would definitely be a bad ghost lol.

What do you see in your mind’s eye when you close your eyes?  (I know somebody will answer ‘the inside of my eyelids”, so I took the temptation away by answering that first!    Feel free to use that answer if you like though, or pass. It’s ALL good!)

My mind’s eye takes me places all the time. I call that “pictures in my head”, and it is one of the strongest side effects of my mental illness. I will see little movies of me and the people around me, places, people I have no idea who they are, and animals interacting with me. It’s not a bad side effect, but it happens mostly when I am awake. My mind’s eye is pretty calm and quiet usually, but it has caused a few bad visions.

If a Semi (Big Rig in Americanese) (lorry or trolley over the pond) were about to smash into a crowd, and you could divert the vehicle’s course to hit only one person, would you?  How would you decide who would become the victim?

LOL! This question made me giggle because I would always have a semi head right toward my ex-husband due to all of the pain he caused me and my children. He was a terrible person, and he still is. I don’t believe I would even shed a tear.


GRATITUDE SECTION

Please feel free to share what makes you feel warm and cozy when the wind blows cold? Alternatively (for those on the other side of the world), what makes you feel relaxed and comfortable when the thermometer starts rising?

When the wind blows cold, I love a nice hot cup of coffee and a fuzzy blanket to feel warm and cozy while listening to one of my audio books on Audible and smoking a cigarette or two or three lol.


This post was written for Melanie’s Share Your World prompt. Click here to join in the fun!

My Stream of Consciousness – 10/16/2021 – A lot of “Ifs”

If only I had been stronger to fight the demons, my life would be different. However, she tells me that I am very strong to have been through so much and continue to stand strong and achieve my goals.

If I would have listened to my inner self, I could have saved my family many tears, pain, and sorrow.

If I would have lived my life better and made better choices, they would have never suffered from my failures.

If I look to the moon and stars, I can feel a connection with this amazing energy, but I waste it sometimes.

If he asked me to come back, I would let him.

If I was a little bit more brave, I would tell him how I really feel.

If I felt better, I would get more done.

If I would have started my life sooner, it would resolve so much regret.

If my physical pain would subside, my mental would feel less stressed.

If I look in the mirror, I sometimes do not like the face staring back at me.

If I achieve my dreams, I will feel star spangled inside of my soul for once.

If I would have noticed his behavior before marrying him, he would have never been able to swindle all of my stuff away from me, and I would have been able to be more productive financially.

If not for betrayal, I would have never been able to espy towards the type of person that I want to be. It’s a process daily, but it is in my sights.

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This was written for Linda’s Stream of Consciousness (SoCS) weekly prompt. I combined the word challenges in this as well since I am running behind today. It’s so many “ifs”, but there is room for improvement by looking at them and seeing what I need to be doing to fix myself.

Happy Saturday: Diagnosis

I was going to fill you all in when I got out of my session yesterday, but I think I was in a bit of shock. I got a new diagnosis, and it made more sense to me while still having a hard time accepting it.

I have Bipolar Disorder with manic depression and severe anxiety. I am not sure which type that is, but the Doctor A felt that it’s pretty severe.

We clicked well, and she was easy to talk to. She prescribed new meds, and I have to go get blood work done before she starts me on the bipolar meds. I’m always scared to take meds to feel normal, but I cannot keep feeling crazy either. My previous therapist had taught me some skills to help me when I spiral, but those stopped working for me.

I will definitely be writing more for prompts and challenges today, so some of my feelings will probably come out in those. It will be staggered though with errands and football games. I am quite the football junkie lol.

I hope you are all doing okay! Do you watch any football? How’s your day going so far?

xoxo, E.M.

Editing Myself

I figured I would tell everyone that I am trying to get a little bit more done on the story of Sebastian and Davina, but I am going back an changing a few errors in the time period that I want the setting to be. I want the cell phones to be the old blocky ones, so the car of Davina will have to change from a Prius to something else. Clearly, that model of Toyota was not present at the same time as blocky, pull-the-antenna type cell phones *laughs*.

I am also correcting some grammar and usage issues that are driving me insane as I read through. When I publish, I rarely go back and read what I write because I am very critical of myself. This is the first time that the story is actually falling together. I found some cool coincidences and built the setting and locations from that coincidence. I won’t let the cat out of the bag yet haha!

I need to find a title, so the names may change on the “Untitled (for now)” posts. I am always open to suggestions and would give credit where it was due, of course *smiles*.

How do you feel when you begin editing yourself? Are you like me and can sometimes scratch a whole poem or story because you’re not feeling it? This is the first one that I have really wanted to edit and make whole. Pretty cool!

It is the weekend, so I am trying to distract myself from the toxic ones. I will be very productive today and tomorrow lol. How’s your weekend going?

How Do I See Me?

I am at it again…with my combined word challenges *giggles*

Todays words will be drop by Daily Spur, lethal by Ragtag Daily Prompt, boutique by Fandango’s One Word Challenge, and sparkling from Word of the Day via Kristian. I will be doing the Lannet poetry style today, which is a 14-line, 10 syllable count line, no-rhyming sonnet by made by Laura Lamarca. As always, be sure to go to these pages and show some love while challenging yourself to be creative!

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On days like these, opinions vary, strife
As much as I wish to see sparkling, happy, free
The mirror, at times, is my nemesis
My self-esteem towards my view is lethal
Like time is rushing fast, I see wrinkles
Curved around my lip like an hourglass
My teeth gone like yesterday’s terrible news

My body screams when I struggle into tight-fit jeans
My favorite ones from my favorite boutique, sighing strongly
I feel my head drop down in shame, affliction
Who was this girl who had gotten so round?
I choke, I cry, I fall to my knees, defeat
My power and esteem stuck in the past
How I miss the days of being blissful….

#Ragtag Daily Prompt

Cruise – WOTD

A word with several meanings

Some I will apply

Some people’s lives, cruise control

Mine is on overdrive

A wish for a calm Sunday

Morning, afternoon, and night

The forecast for me, uncertain

I’m still tip-toeing, like a little mouse

I make a wish, deep in my heart

For the money to come to my hands

To bring me to a fortunate place

Rather than where I reside

To take a trip out to sea

Cruise peacefully on

By each bay, day and night

Tranquility, that would surely be

It’s not in the cards, ya see, not yet

I pray and beg and barter and plea

To find a place of my own

I’m stuck here in my suffering

A cruise I could use, for real…