Home Sweet Home – #FPQ 151

This week’s Fandango’s Provocative Question is:

Are you one of the seven out of ten people who is unhappy with the place in which you currently reside? If so, what is it about your place that causes your unhappiness? Or, are you one of the 30% who is not unhappy with your home? What is it about it that makes you happy?

My answer to his question is:

I never feel unhappy with the home I am in because I am so grateful to have one. What makes me happy is that it keeps me warm, cools me in the hot weather, holds the food that is put into my mouth, and protects me from being homeless. Many people are living without homes after the pandemic caused folks to be forced out of their homes when the eviction memorandum ended.

If I did not live with my sister, I would be happy to have the home that I was blessed with. Home is where you make it and feel safe, so I am just peachy with my home sweet home.

xoxo, E.M.

New Year’s Resolutions – #FPQ 150

I am running super late on last week’s Provocative Question from Fandango, and I figured I would still put in my two cents on the topic. My insomnia is driving me crazy tonight.

The Question:

Do you plan on making any New Year’s resolutions this year? If so, can you share a few of them with us? If not, why not?

My Answer:

When I was younger, I would always make a few resolutions, and they would range from starting a new job to losing weight. I do not think I have ever completed a resolution until last year when I made the resolution to graduate. I did it with honors, so that was a good resolution.

I had not planned on making any resolutions this year until I did a few of these types of posts asking about things of this nature. I found myself making a goal list on my Share Your World post.

I would love to complete at least three things on that list. That is my resolution.

My Best Things in Life – FPQ #147

This week, Fandango’s Provocative question asks:

What’s the best thing you’ve got going on in your life at the moment?

My answer is:

I have a few things that come to mind that are the best things, but the very best thing that is going on in my life is that I finally feel good mentally. I had been spiraling in manic episodes for so long that I felt out of control and near suicidal. I was out of control, and I am finally feeling like the real me. The real me is passive and not so dark. I still like to be an emo-type girl, but that bright side of me comes out in moments when it should. That feels stable and secure. I don’t like not feeling safe. This is also the first time I am putting myself first when choosing “my best thing”.

The second best thing going on in my life right now is that my grandbaby will be turning 1 year old on December 14th. It doesn’t seem like it’s been a year since my daughter was induced and had her. This is my grandbaby:

Image Credit: M. H.

She is my light in the darkness. With one of her smiles, she makes me smile, and that is a good way to spend the day.

xoxo, E.M.

Small Fish and Big Fish – #FPQ 146

Each week, Fandango asks us his provocative question (#FPQ), and this week he asks us this question:

In your opinion, is it better to be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond? Or perhaps a big fish in a big pond? Why do you feel that way?

My Answer is:

I would have to say being the big fish in a small pond would have limitations because eventually, you will run out of fish to eat when you get hungry. The small fish in a big pond is the life I already live…too many predators but I can outrun some of them. The best scenario would be to be a big fish in a big pond because it would be rare that anyone could defeat you for space in the pond, and there would be plenty to eat.

A person should always fit into their surroundings, and it shouldn’t be so hard to survive. That is why I say that I am a small fish in a big pond. Everything is a struggle to be comfortable and live a life free of fear. If I was the big fish in the big pond, I could give a crap less what everyone else is doing.

xoxo, E.M.

E.M.’s FPQ Answer – Hell in a Handbasket

This week, Fandango’s Provocative Question asks:

If you’re American, do you concur with my assessment that our country is rapidly going to hell in a handbasket? Or do you believe that everything is hunky-dory and America’s light is shining as brightly as ever?

If you’re not an American, based upon what you’ve read, seen, and heard, do you feel that America has, indeed, faltered? Or do you think that America will weather this storm?

Here is my answer:

I am an American, and I do concur with your assessment of this country. I think it has never been right, and I think we hide behind our government to justify actions. I think we are slowly doing away with the rights outlined in the Constitution, and I think we are on our way to a third-world government type of living, like autocracy or monarchy. We are already so mixed up in socialism, capitalism, and communism. We are unrecognizable, to be honest. We stomp on the rights of women and minorities, and we are still a Manifest Destiny state of mind. The criminal justice system is designed to assign numbers to as many people as possible (guilty and not guilty) to pay our financial deficit and to make the wealthy more wealthy. We commit genocide, and we are a big joke to other countries. We are definitely already going to hell in a handbasket.

My Body Art – FPQ #144

This week’s provocative question from Fandango is about tattoos.

Do you have any tattoos? What is the meaning or significance of them? If you do have tattoos, do you have any regrets about any of them?

My Answer is:

I have a little under two handfuls of tattoos on my body. I love body art, and all of my tattoos have happened for a reason chosen by me. Some of them cover up scars from being a cutter, and others have a more philosophical meaning along with covering my scars. There are a few that need a cover-up because they are not what I intended them to be, but all of them have a meaning that is special to me. They remind me of different periods in my life growing up and the maturity of finding more meaning as I got older.

I am one of those people that love getting the tattoo…sort of a masochist I suppose, so the act of getting a tattoo is just as therapeutic as choosing where to put it and what to wear for the rest of my life. No regrets ever…bad tattoos just give me a reason to get more to cover up the old ones lol.

xoxo, E.M.

No photo description available.
My shoulderblade tattoo I got in 2012. The text says “Isaiah 40:31”.
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This is my wrist tattoo. One bird for each of my children and a corresponding colored heart for each of their favorite colors.
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This is my little sassy fairy with stardust. She’s representative of me.
May be an image of one or more people and eyeglasses
There’s me with fairy dust lol.
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This is my most significant tattoo with the most meaning. The owl is my spirit animal who protects me. The purple ribbon is for being a survivor of domestic violence, and I have a rose for each child, one for myself, and one to show I am still growing.

Twenty Years Ago with E.M.

Fandango’s Provocative Question this week asks us:

How much have you and your priorities changed over the past twenty years? If you’re on the younger side, answer from the perspective of the past ten years or even five years.

My Answer is:

Back in 2001, I had a 5-year-old and a one-year-old, so I tried to have my only priority as being their momma. I definitely did not always succeed. I had a rough time living back in this time because I was sometimes homeless and chaotic. I was a good mom with terrible luck because most of my family was unable to help me get my life together. I was so stubborn. I did not want to grow up and act grown. I was a drinker and partied a lot because I was young and dumb. My oldest daughter spent a lot of time with her father and my father while I tried to figure life out. My younger daughter was with me through everything, even the homelessness and couch surfing. I was definitely a different person than the woman I am today.

Back in those days, I had a voice that I did not know how to use, and I really did not know what I wanted to do with my life. My priorities now are much different. I am working hard to be a parent to my children, and I am career-minded. I know what I want to be now, and how I want to get there. I know how to use my voice to create change, and I am driving my own life now. I have had a few bumps along the way, like getting divorced and moving out here to California, but they have been bumps that have propelled me into a new life that I never knew that I wanted before. A life that looks promising is in my grasps.

Twenty years ago, I was trying to survive, and that was my priority. Now, I am surviving and trying to thrive as my priority. I cannot complain too much. Life is decent.

xoxo, E.M.

Covid Rambling – FPQ #142

This week’s provocative question from Fandango is about vaccinations and boosters for Covid-19.

Here are the questions:

If you have already received your initial COVID-19 vaccinations, are you intending to get a booster shot when it becomes available to you? Why or why not? If you have yet to be vaccinated for COVID-19, are you intending to ever get vaccinated? Why or why not?

My answer is:

I received my Moderna vaccinations through my college, and I think I had both of them completed by April. I am not sure if I will get the booster, mainly because I need to get my flu shot, and I don’t want to intertwine the two. The other factor that makes me not want to proceed with getting the booster is the way that I am. I still do not get out into the world as much as other people, and I have masked the entire time anyway. There are times that I can say that I misplaced my mask and just asked for one when I went into a business/establishment.

Overall, I guess I will play it by ear on the booster shots. I like to research the trials and make educated decisions. It’s what I did on choosing my initial pokes. The only thing that I am sure of is that I will not mix and match with the booster if I do decide to partake in getting it. My initial vaccinations were Moderna, so if I get another poke, it will need to be Moderna as well.

E.M.’s Answer to Suffering – FPQ #141

This week, Fandango’s Provocative Question asks:

Do you agree that human suffering can be beneficial and that suffering is a necessary part of the human condition? Why or why not?

My answer is this:

Whether I agree or agree to disagree, suffering should not be necessary to live life. I do not believe that every human suffers, but I do believe that good humans suffer more than most. Some people have it easier than others, and as a person who normally suffers through every second of living, I wish it was different for me. I don’t think suffering has helped me do better or learn more. I don’t think that it has made me more determined or productive. If anything, it has set me back more times than I can count on my hands and toes. It’s made me not trust and to hold back feelings, and it has caused me to question life on a continual basis. While I am having better days, the suffering is where I go to when I feel broken, and I don’t like it there.

It’s like that saying, “God does not give a person more than they can handle”. I call BS on that…He’s handed me way too much and way too many times to the point that I have a hard time with having faith that things can or will get better. Breathing and living should not be this hard. Suffering should never be necessary.

xoxo, E.M.

Settling vs Accepting: My #FPQ Answer

Every week, Fandango hosts a provocative question for all of us to answer, and this week’s question is:

Do you see a difference between settling for things and accepting the way things are? If so, in what way are they different? If not why do you feel settling and accepting are the same?

Here is my answer:

There is a difference between settling and accepting, but I think both are not achieving your best self. Settling is taking what you get handed to you, and it does not matter what you want. You take it and learn to live with it. Acceptance of a situation in your life is looking at all of the paths to that point and saying, “Ok, this is who I am, and I am going to make the best of what I have been blessed with”. The difference is that in acceptance, you could already be the best version of yourself and accept it, whereas in settling, you know you can be better or do better; however, you have given up a little bit in achieving your best.