I had to go back to my archive of poetry from my old blog to find something to share for today’s Flashback Friday prompt from Fandango. I did not have a post for the exact date of today, but I did have one for the date of 6/12/2016. It made me remember how long my darkness and unhappiness ruled my life, but that is not a bad thing. It makes me look forward, and forward has what I want and love in it.
Painful Love Lost
The battle fighting within me breaks me from the inside out as I see your faces as I remember you all loving me the way you used to.
The tears I cry in my dreams are real the memories like yesterday but today but I cannot cry them when awake for they make me feel weak and afraid.
I gave you so much of myself that sometimes I have not much left to share with others or even to sustain life because you were my life, and you’re gone.
I try not to think of you most times thinking the pain will just fade away but this kind of pain sits in your gut and it fights you and rips you apart.
Maybe that will make you feel better knowing that I’m never going to be okay but even still you should know I love you all until the last breath leaves my lungs.
I got a different kind of inspiration today when collecting my daily words to write my challenge posts. One of the word challenges today is “homonym” from My Vivid Blog. I decided to use it to write a homonym poem. Thank you for the inspiration, Chelle. The homonyms will be in bold writing.
I lit a match, and the cool air put it out. As the flame rose, I went down the stairs. I lost my match between myself and the wind. It was cool how my nose sniffed out the rose-scented breeze. I was feeling down, but my spirits were lifted by the storm.
Heavy breath from my lips Used to be light and fluffy My thoughts now so radioactive Toxic to my well-being A tide of events breaks my heart Into pieces of what used to be me My anxiety is a man-eater, except I’m female Raging with it’s own hormones and darkness It’s ludicrious how much I live there Inside of myself, hating this version Of who I have become from who I was This person a malapert edition of failure I straddle my emotions like a horse Trying to guide my essence, but being overcome I need to find out who I am again…
I got a little preoccupied trying a new style of poetry, so I have not posted since Friday. One of my fellow writers, revivedwriter, did a Sestina, and it was so cool that I wanted to try it myself. It’s a very difficult poetry style, and it really challenged me. With that said, I am using the word challenges from October 1st and October 2nd to write the Sestina.
The word challenges for October 1 & 2 were as follows:
Brief moments of peace, I yearn to have some quiet Every feeling inside of me, so raw and extreme I sit still, listening to an empty room become loud With the voices jabbering inside of my head My footsteps are like those of a ghoul sneaking by me These walls hold my pain, my declivity, and my soul
The fear I am sick with consumes my aching soul Change has me on eggshells, “be very quiet!” The figment in my imagination, the pain eats at me All of my senses intensified, it’s to an extreme My failure rings out like a bell inside of my head As I cannot quiet my suffering that screams loud
Respect for my situation is truth, but still I cry loud As the wave of blame falls upon my tired soul I carry everything…so heavy…on my shoulders and head No tight hugs to hold me when the darkness becomes quiet A rarity is the one good feeling, all it takes to heal me
A plethora of emotions come close and swallow me The feeling of drowning when the voices get too loud Out of control thoughts, no longer mild, only extreme They are picking and tearing into this old tired soul Stop! Why can you not be quiet? This is too much…get out of my head!
My nerves are dancing and standing intrinsic to my head As they feel of life, the decay of my essence threatens me They refuse to sit down, dancing about and not quiet The more I kick and scream, the dancing is getting so loud This illness is sickening and overwhelming everything about me Do you hear me? I am yelling at you with my voice loud! Only to find out I am not loud at all…It’s quiet.