My Version of Crazy

My mind races to a million or more negative places, it seems

I am the queen of my own torture, as I cannot stop the thoughts…

“Maybe everyone would prosper if I did not exist”

Then the worry comes…

Of who will love my children, my dogs, my little unnecessary stuff that surrounds me…

Who will I hurt?

Who will I bring to my level of despair with my selfish undertaking?

A conundrum of thoughts race around my brain like a hummingbird’s wings flap.

I’m screaming inside and quiet on the out…fake smiles filling my tired face.

I promise myself things will improve…get better…appease myself…

Rarely happens

Pain keeps stacking on my shoulder like a game of Jenga…weighing and unstable…

When will the tower fall atop of me, I wonder?

Who will pull the detrimental piece of the mental block inside my brain that causes me to fall?

I hope I never find out…

I Found Out Today

Little secrets, little lies
Irrelevant at the time

Two hours later, not enough time
I was never really on your mind

Deception of mind, trying too hard
You never were really mine

All my money, financially struck
You used me while you moved on

Blame game, hurting my soul
I’m singing my same ole song

Loyalty I gave, destruction received
My heart is burning and in need

Broken promises, anger with hate
My word kept with tears on my face

Tearing burning heart, soul aflame
Maybe my stupidity is stronger than grace

Every single thing I had inside

Now crumble into nothing

My heart is cold and numb

Nothing left to give another soul

Your violations of trust burst inside me like fire

I found out.

Difficult Selection

One must be more selective who is allowed to affect his or her life. 

It’s okay to allow yourself to be persnickety with your inner circle. 

It’s acceptable to screen the people entering your life on the daily. 

Be difficult. Be cautious. Be persnickety.

It’s your life!

It warrants looking sideways for a moment or turning your nose up to the garbage that is fed to your soul by people who are not legitimate in their intentions with the goodness in your life.

Your destination does not have to end with chaos. 

Breathe yourself in and choose to be persnickety with the welfare of your subconscious. 

You deserve it!