I Found Out Today

Little secrets, little lies
Irrelevant at the time

Two hours later, not enough time
I was never really on your mind

Deception of mind, trying too hard
You never were really mine

All my money, financially struck
You used me while you moved on

Blame game, hurting my soul
I’m singing my same ole song

Loyalty I gave, destruction received
My heart is burning and in need

Broken promises, anger with hate
My word kept with tears on my face

Tearing burning heart, soul aflame
Maybe my stupidity is stronger than grace

Every single thing I had inside

Now crumble into nothing

My heart is cold and numb

Nothing left to give another soul

Your violations of trust burst inside me like fire

I found out.

© E.M. Kingston 2020

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This is being posted for Fandango’s Flashback Friday. The original post was published on November 1, 2020.

Flashback Friday – Grounded Happily

This post was originally published on October 29,2020. I am sharing it again for Fandango’s Flashback Friday. I remember this day very well. It was a good day and clarified my standing with myself. I lost it again somewhere between then and now, but I am slowly coming back up.

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It’s funny how time changes when you are alone.

Sometimes it flows slower because you are not racing to make anyone else happy anymore.

You can take a moment to breathe in a deep breath, and that breath revives your inner-self and soul.

It feels so good that even your bones feel free of release from pain, stress, worry, and anxiety.

You feel loose rather than the tightness of glue on your skin.

Alone feels like freedom when you allow yourself to feel truly in your own skin and space that belongs only to you.

You feel grounded.

Your soul regroups.

Then you’re able to feel surrounded by yourself and feel like you’re not alone anymore. 

© E.M. Kingston 2020

Beautiful?

Sometimes I get out of bed feeling good, and I put myself together feeling beautiful, accomplished, and happy. I try to start a new day better than the last, and that’s how I have been healing myself.

Then we have the days that I cannot bear my own reflection, and the day follows the same pattern. These are the days spent with the misery of past relationships, trauma, and abuse. I could write a book of everything and everyone who have killed seeing myself as a beautiful woman. These days are hard to heal.

The worst part of being a caring and thoughtful human being with empath skills is that you break easier and harder than the rest of the population that is considered “normal”. When someone causes pain to someone like myself, the first place it strikes is at the head of insecurities and weaknesses.

For me, those insecurities and weaknesses are contained within my self-image and vanity. I have never been a vain person, but I would rather look in the mirror and see myself as beautiful no matter who threw crap in my face. Some days are better than others, but I always hear my demons roar.

Today was an ugly day. I’m ready for a pretty one.

I Found Out Today

Little secrets, little lies
Irrelevant at the time

Two hours later, not enough time
I was never really on your mind

Deception of mind, trying too hard
You never were really mine

All my money, financially struck
You used me while you moved on

Blame game, hurting my soul
I’m singing my same ole song

Loyalty I gave, destruction received
My heart is burning and in need

Broken promises, anger with hate
My word kept with tears on my face

Tearing burning heart, soul aflame
Maybe my stupidity is stronger than grace

Every single thing I had inside

Now crumble into nothing

My heart is cold and numb

Nothing left to give another soul

Your violations of trust burst inside me like fire

I found out.

© E.M. Kingston 2020

Difficult Selection

One must be more selective who is allowed to affect his or her life. 

It’s okay to allow yourself to be persnickety with your inner circle. 

It’s acceptable to screen the people entering your life on the daily. 

Be difficult. Be cautious. Be persnickety.

It’s your life!

It warrants looking sideways for a moment or turning your nose up to the garbage that is fed to your soul by people who are not legitimate in their intentions with the goodness in your life.

Your destination does not have to end with chaos. 

Breathe yourself in and choose to be persnickety with the welfare of your subconscious. 

You deserve it!

Grounded Happily

It’s funny how time changes when you are alone.

Sometimes it flows slower because you are not racing to make anyone else happy anymore.

You can take a moment to breathe in a deep breath, and that breath revives your inner-self and soul.

It feels so good that even your bones feel free of release from pain, stress, worry, and anxiety.

You feel loose rather than the tightness of glue on your skin.

Alone feels like freedom when you allow yourself to feel truly in your own skin and space that belongs only to you.

You feel grounded.

Your soul regroups.

Then you’re able to feel surrounded by yourself and feel like you’re not alone anymore. 

© E.M. Kingston 2020

The Move

I have uprooted my roots
Away from the place I called home
My comfy little spot
To brave the world alone

Not sure where to begin
Except to express things have changed
Things feel so different
It really feels new but oddly strange

My mind is very focused
Determined to make this a success
I still get apprehensive
Hoping that I don’t make the move a mess

Failure isn’t an option
I am putting forward all my best feet
The fear is a tad bit exciting
My hopes aren’t raised too steep

Life is what you make it”, they say
I am giving it my very best
Welcome to my new journey
Let this be one of my new steps