Sometimes I get out of bed feeling good, and I put myself together feeling beautiful, accomplished, and happy. I try to start a new day better than the last, and that’s how I have been healing myself.
Then we have the days that I cannot bear my own reflection, and the day follows the same pattern. These are the days spent with the misery of past relationships, trauma, and abuse. I could write a book of everything and everyone who have killed seeing myself as a beautiful woman. These days are hard to heal.
The worst part of being a caring and thoughtful human being with empath skills is that you break easier and harder than the rest of the population that is considered “normal”. When someone causes pain to someone like myself, the first place it strikes is at the head of insecurities and weaknesses.
For me, those insecurities and weaknesses are contained within my self-image and vanity. I have never been a vain person, but I would rather look in the mirror and see myself as beautiful no matter who threw crap in my face. Some days are better than others, but I always hear my demons roar.
Today was an ugly day. I’m ready for a pretty one.
Little secrets, little lies
Irrelevant at the time
Two hours later, not enough time
I was never really on your mind
Deception of mind, trying too hard
You never were really mine
All my money, financially struck
You used me while you moved on
Blame game, hurting my soul
I’m singing my same ole song
Loyalty I gave, destruction received
My heart is burning and in need
Broken promises, anger with hate
My word kept with tears on my face
Tearing burning heart, soul aflame
Maybe my stupidity is stronger than grace
Every single thing I had inside
Now crumble into nothing
My heart is cold and numb
Nothing left to give another soul
Your violations of trust burst inside me like fire
I found out.
It’s funny how time changes when you are alone. Sometimes it flows slower because you are not racing to make anyone else happy anymore. You can take a moment to breathe in a deep breath, and that breath revives your inner-self and soul. It feels so good that even your bones feel free of release from pain, stress, worry, and anxiety. You feel loose rather than the tightness of glue on your skin. Alone feels like freedom when you allow yourself to feel truly in your own skin and space that belongs only to you. You feel grounded. Your soul regroups. Then you’re able to feel surrounded by you and feel like you’re not alone anymore.