My mind races to a million or more negative places, it seems
I am the queen of my own torture, as I cannot stop the thoughts…
“Maybe everyone would prosper if I did not exist”
Then the worry comes…
Of who will love my children, my dogs, my little unnecessary stuff that surrounds me…
Who will I hurt?
Who will I bring to my level of despair with my selfish undertaking?
A conundrum of thoughts race around my brain like a hummingbird’s wings flap.
I’m screaming inside and quiet on the out…fake smiles filling my tired face.
I promise myself things will improve…get better…appease myself…
Pain keeps stacking on my shoulder like a game of Jenga…weighing and unstable…
When will the tower fall atop of me, I wonder?
Who will pull the detrimental piece of the mental block inside my brain that causes me to fall?
I hope I never find out…
Little secrets, little lies
Irrelevant at the time
Two hours later, not enough time
I was never really on your mind
Deception of mind, trying too hard
You never were really mine
All my money, financially struck
You used me while you moved on
Blame game, hurting my soul
I’m singing my same ole song
Loyalty I gave, destruction received
My heart is burning and in need
Broken promises, anger with hate
My word kept with tears on my face
Tearing burning heart, soul aflame
Maybe my stupidity is stronger than grace
Every single thing I had inside
Now crumble into nothing
My heart is cold and numb
Nothing left to give another soul
Your violations of trust burst inside me like fire
I found out.
Like a broken puzzle in my head
It hurts with pounding fury
Trailing down my neck to despair
Tightening my muscles
Snapping at my tendons like a rubber band
Boom Boom Boom!
This feeling inside my skull
Beating me and defeating me
Why doesn’t it just go away?
Hours of agony
Counting the minutes of anguish
My eyes have joined the party of pain
The light hurts…make it dim!
Loud noises make me cringe
Time to fight back
You won’t get the best of me today
Migraine! Leave my brain!