My daughter says that I forget to take my medicine on time, and she added that I forget to take my dogs out with me when I go out to smoke a cigarette. She is right about the dogs. However, I have gotten better with taking my meds (I set a reminder on my calendar daily now), so I disagree with her about “on a regular basis” when it comes to taking my meds.
I forget to grab my phone when I leave the room or go outside, and I usually forget to lay something out for dinner on the regular.
I suppose forgetfulness will get worse as I age. I am just thankful that I can ask my Google Hub where my phone is all the time *laughs*
On Sunday, January 9th, Sadje asked about expectations on her Sunday Poser prompt. I am dreadfully behind on my posts this week, but she is always amazing with my tardiness 😀
Her question this week is:
I think I have especially been hurt by expectations. In love, in life, and in general, I have found my expectations can be set way above the bar, and when those fail…it kicks me right in my behind.
You would think that I would learn from these high hopes (which are equivalent to expectations), but I still manage to give too much credit where it isn’t due, especially in the way of love.
I have a problem with giving the benefit of the doubt to an unhealthy level to people that I have the illusion that they love me back. I expect that they love me as much as I love them, and when I realize that I am the only one feeling that way, it crushes me.
I finally have learned that it is okay to be alone and love yourself, finally. I used to scramble around and go a little crazy if I was single. I would get bored easily, honestly, and I hated to be alone. Now, I actually think I am preferring solitude. That is an expectation that I am good at right now, and there is no hurt or disappointment in that for me. I am getting better at loving myself and focusing on my mental health to not need a companion.
I definitely rambled on about that one 🙂 Long story short, I don’t set expectations high anymore. I set them to an obtainable spectrum to avoid pain and misery.
I am doing my Sunday Poser from Sadje a day late, but that is how I have been running since Christmas :D. There are so many things that I find myself passionate about, but Amy, the person behind E.M., has the greatest passion when it comes to helping people.
I am very passionate about the path I have taken since moving to California and finding what I want to have for my career. It took me a long time to know what I wanted to do with my life in regards to having a career that I love. I finally found a passion. That passion is working with people who have been wrongfully convicted and working to protect civil rights.
I am an activist that found my voice, finally. I have a few cases that I am doing case studies about to get myself noticed as an activist. I want to work with a civil rights lawyer or become one. Right now I am working on becoming a paralegal. I have been studying for the LSAT since I lived in Arkansas. Currently, I am the chair of my local chapter of ACLU, and I am a Guardian of Liberty for ACLU as well. This work that I do is the passion that drives me to be better and make the people that we help feel better by getting justice for them.
Amy and E.M. are very passionate about all civil rights outlined in our constitution, stopping racism (all of it) and racial profiling by police, healing the plethora of mass incarcerations in our country, and freeing the innocent. I believe that the prison systems are just a new way to implement slavery in this country, and my voice works to make sure the right people are behind bars.
I am running behind schedule because my Saints played on Sunday Night Football, and I still have 35 minutes before Sunday is over. With that said, (cheesy grin), this week’s Sunday Poser from Sadje asks us about being absent-minded.
The long answer is that I lose things due to being absent-minded all the time, especially when it comes to remembering things from short terms ago, like grabbing my medication and putting the pills in my pocket. The other thing I do quite often is that I walk into a room and completely forget what I went in that room for in the first place. I put strange items in the fridge that shouldn’t be there. I sometimes grab something from the cabinet instead of the fridge (and vice versa) when the item I want is not in the first place I grab from. I will have my glasses on my head and ask where they are, and that goes for my phone as well. It can be in my pocket or right in front of my face, and I still lose it.
I usually work very hard on my appearance, merely to feel better inside of myself. I figure at the age of 45 and being that I am single, that I should leave the house looking presentable…just in case I meet my dream guy, but I mostly get dressed for me. I am picky about my clothes, socks, and shoes. Everything has to match from the underwear, socks, outfit, and shoes. When I leave the house I have to look and smell good. The only exception is when I am just running my daughter to get something from the mini-mart or CVS. If I don’t have to go in, I am not quite as picky I suppose.
Then there are the teeth issues. I had 23 teeth pulled at once back in 2017 because I was having a huge problem with tooth pain and cavities from gingivitis. After having my babies, my teeth went bad quickly. The problem is that the dentures I have never fit right, and they are useless (except for vanity purposes) for eating. I do better using my gums to eat, but that isn’t very cute either. It’s hard when I have a date and have to eat with them. I have to be prepared to go to the restroom and reset them with my adhesive. It really is a headache. I want implants so badly, but that takes money.
For the most part, I do care about my appearance, especially when my mental health is in check. I am a selfie queen, so I always try to look my best.
I love this Sunday Poser question from Sadje. Sometimes I can be a bit cryptic in things that I write, and I hide behind my blog name and pen name at times. E.M. Kingston sounds much cooler than my real name, and we all know how I ramble about when I am in my feelings. I write from my heart, and I love writing more than many of my other hobbies.
For those that are new to my blog, my father’s pen name was S.A. Kingston, so when he passed…I decided to make a pen name in his honor, and that is where E.M. came from. His name was Ernie (Ernest), an amazing poet, and my mom’s name is Mary (she never wrote anything that I know of). I used E.M. to honor both of my parents because, without them, I wouldn’t be on this Earth. They gave me life and my love of writing.
The Ramblings of E.M. Kingston was my first attempt at healing from the loss of my father in 2016. I used this blog to write about him and grieve. I did not have much of a support system. This is the most active I have been on it, and I am so thankful for all the inspiration from all of my fellow bloggers. It has made me start writing a novel and little snippets of stories. Thank you for being my muse to all of you that know who you are.
xoxo, E.M.
P.S. I definitely rambled about on that answer lol.
The times I feel lonely are when I want to be around people, but the person I want to spend it with is not actively interacting with me. I have pretty much been single for two years this August, and I have never gotten over him. We still talk, and I think we are mending fences. I think he’s just the one person I am supposed to spend my life with…the problem is he doesn’t know that yet. If he does know it, he is too guarded with me to let himself feel it. He’s a great, complicated guy, and I am just getting to know myself again. I am lonely without him in my life though. I miss a human hugging me and kissing me. I miss having my best friend laying next to me. It sucks, but I think eventually we will fix things and be one again. Wishful thinking, but I think it’s realistic. He is going to come to see me tomorrow, so there’s hope.
I overcome it by putting myself into work and family relationships. I love spending time with my daughter and grandbaby, and I love writing on my blog and studying my paralegal course. The void is filled by them, but there is always that need to love and feel loved by someone who is not family. I kind of choose to be lonely. If I cannot be with him, I am fine with not being with anyone.
This is my first time participating in Sadje’s Sunday Poser, and I think I picked a good week to start. The prompt asks us (in this beautiful photo):
These bits of gratitude are in no particular order…just how they came into my mind as I write this. I am grateful to be alive and for my family who is being a great support system for me. Life had been pretty dark for a while, and things feel normal again. With all of the pain that I caused them with my illness, I am thankful that I was able to get help and make life easier for my loved ones and myself. I am thankful for having breath in my lungs, and I am so appreciative to have a roof over my head that is safe and secure. I am thankful for football, as silly as that sounds. Most of all, I am thankful for being a little girl’s Gigi that she can trust and love, and I am thankful to be a mother to my children. That was something that had been stolen from me for a very long time, and it’s really nice to have my children in my life. They have always been my priority and my heart, and I am so glad that life has brought them where they belong.
The Ramblings of E.M. Kingston 