E.M.’s Flashback Friday – October 22, 2021

Each Friday, Fandango has a Flashback Friday to bring current one of our past posts. I did not have one for the 22nd on any of my submissions, which was funny to me, but I was not always consistent on posting. The post I am going to share with you is a poem from April 23, 2017. It was written right before my marriage ended.


Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels.com

There…

 / EMKINGSTON / EDIT

There I sat weeping head in palms
Awaiting you to see me for who I am
Or who I was going to be

There I stood contemplating your mood
Wanting to reach out to you open-armed
But you turned your back to me

Why is this such a difficult task for us?
I ask with sad feelings and heart broke down
Do you see that I am returning your love?

There I listened to complaints of their woes
Hoping that there would be an end to the pain
And I failed yet again at making smiles on our faces

There I saw you moving forward away from me
Anguishing in the complexity of the situation
Only to feel more gut-wrenching sorrow from you

There I am…alone.

© E.M. Kingston

Anxious Heartbreak

Her upper lip quivered as she felt her heart being ripped from her chest.

The world she had created was being swallowed up by the fissure of mistakes of her past.

One conversation would change life back to a time when she was unstable and broken.

Her heartbreak was matching the anxiousness she was feeling in her soul as she lost everything again.

She had no understanding how it is always so easy for people to walk out of her life.

Except they do that all the time, and it is always when her life is one huge bungle of failure.

She’s running out of lives to live…

xoxo, E.M.

Me vs Me

Heavy breath from my lips
Used to be light and fluffy
My thoughts now so radioactive
Toxic to my well-being
A tide of events breaks my heart
Into pieces of what used to be me
My anxiety is a man-eater, except I’m female
Raging with it’s own hormones and darkness
It’s ludicrious how much I live there
Inside of myself, hating this version
Of who I have become from who I was
This person a malapert edition of failure
I straddle my emotions like a horse
Trying to guide my essence, but being overcome
I need to find out who I am again…

xoxo, E.M.

This is my submission for the word challenges from Daily Spur, Fandango, Ragtag, My Vivid Blog, Word of the Day Challenge, and Your Daily Word Prompt.

Voices: E.M.’s First Sestina

I got a little preoccupied trying a new style of poetry, so I have not posted since Friday. One of my fellow writers, revivedwriter, did a Sestina, and it was so cool that I wanted to try it myself. It’s a very difficult poetry style, and it really challenged me. With that said, I am using the word challenges from October 1st and October 2nd to write the Sestina.

The word challenges for October 1 & 2 were as follows:

Now, let’s continue with Voices…

Brief moments of peace, I yearn to have some quiet
Every feeling inside of me, so raw and extreme
I sit still, listening to an empty room become loud
With the voices jabbering inside of my head
My footsteps are like those of a ghoul sneaking by me
These walls hold my pain, my declivity, and my soul

The fear I am sick with consumes my aching soul
Change has me on eggshells, “be very quiet!”
The figment in my imagination, the pain eats at me
All of my senses intensified, it’s to an extreme
My failure rings out like a bell inside of my head
As I cannot quiet my suffering that screams loud

Respect for my situation is truth, but still I cry loud
As the wave of blame falls upon my tired soul
I carry everything…so heavy…on my shoulders and head
No tight hugs to hold me when the darkness becomes quiet
A rarity is the one good feeling, all it takes to heal me

A plethora of emotions come close and swallow me
The feeling of drowning when the voices get too loud
Out of control thoughts, no longer mild, only extreme
They are picking and tearing into this old tired soul
Stop! Why can you not be quiet?
This is too much…get out of my head!

My nerves are dancing and standing intrinsic to my head
As they feel of life, the decay of my essence threatens me
They refuse to sit down, dancing about and not quiet
The more I kick and scream, the dancing is getting so loud
This illness is sickening and overwhelming everything about me
Do you hear me? I am yelling at you with my voice loud!
Only to find out I am not loud at all…It’s quiet.

xoxo, E.M.

Early Years of E.M.

I am back with the word challenges today from my favorite daily prompts, and I figured I would take it back to a time when life was easy, which was just being a kid who learned to write poems and found her creativity. I hope you all will enjoy!

The word challenges today are teacher from Nox, composition from Fandango, phobia from Ragtag, watery from WOTD via Cyanny, hint from My Vivid Blog (my first for this prompt), and repine from Your Daily Word Prompt (also the first one).

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A teacher lit the light in my soul
Bringing me to poetry composition
The phobia of doubting myself vanished
The connection become immediate and real
No repine from me, in the feelings of my peers
I wrote without of hint of holding back
Like the watery falls from atop a mountain
I found my way with words and expression
I found who I am…

xoxo, E.M.

Torn Inside Out

Since, I didn’t get much time yesterday to write and release, I will be using the words from September 27th (yesterday) and today to let all of this pain out of my heart. Hopefully all the words together will release some pain and provide something interesting to read for all of you. These inspirations, the challenges, give me a way to heal inside to carry on my day. They trigger my creativity instead of my mental illness. Thank you to all of you that contribute to me feeling better each and every single day.

The word challenges for Monday were shoot from the Daily Spur, inebriated from Fandango, bluff from Ragtag, and adjustment from WOTD via Kristian.

Today’s word challenges are bitter from the Daily Spur, novice from Fandango, escape from Ragtag, and bittersweet from WOTD via Melanie B Cee.

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The day for me to escape has come abruptly
No warning, but I saw it coming
Moving west to middle, an adjustment
There will be nobody calling my bluff

I’m sad, happy, scared, and bitter
All things come with a price
My heart will be inebriated with fear
Until all comes together in peace

Like a novice endeavoring into a new career
I am an expert and returned from where I ran
I will shoot my shot to try again
In a place I never believed I would ever go back

I prayed for peace and a place of home
Bittersweet the place I will land
Wish me luck soon, as I’ll be on my way
My heart’s torn inside out to leave

xoxo, E.M.

Rewind: Backwards I Go

As per usual, I will be combining my word of the day challenges into one post with a new poetry style, which today will be A L’arora. It is another Laura Lamarca style, and consists of four 8-line stanzas without a syllabic restriction. The 6th and 8th line will be the only rhymes.

The word challenges today are bowl from Daily Spur, late from Fandango, amenable from Ragtag, and clueless from WOTD via Cyanny.

This post is inspired by last night’s events with the toxic ones. I will be moving soon. I still don’t know how I feel about it. I may be going backwards.

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I’m trying to move on but keep climbing to be pushed down
Like running up a human-sized bowl with slippers on my feet
Slipping, I struggle and wriggle and beg and plead unsuccessfully
I have become amenable to your behavior, your ways, and your abuse
My insides are screaming for safety, quality, and peace
To feel the essence of my own being sounds of sanctity and bliss

Just let me be and leave me alone…let me live
You think you have not erred…dumbfound and clueless

It’s too late to stop what you put into motion
I am turning my back, walking away, gone soon
In my eyes and heart, you’ll no longer exist
A stranger with no sister, no nieces, no great niece
Your family is leaving you and lacking one tear on our face
Your own doing, losing us all this way

All I wanted is to breath, to excel, and be myself
Your control, anger, and denial turned brightness gray

Calling me out of my name that came from my birth
Pushing and yelling, your triggered my soul
Pain and suffering was not ever the master plan of my move
Dumbed out here like garbage, I needed a light for my path
I was met with your darkness, exploits, and disdain

I have to save me now from the wrath of your illness
Conversations and a relationship are dead, I refrain

You broke me from the innermost part of who I could be tomorrow
Money is not what makes this world spin upon it’s axis
Only controls people to make them as puppets of their masters
All I wanted is to be who I am, successful and benevolent
You wanted mirror-image, to mold me as an imposter

All of this sorrow, so unneeded, unnecessary, and preventable
You can check my name off of your “people to abuse” roster

xoxo, E.M.

My Prayer to Above

Today’s poetry style I will be using with my word challenges today is Nove Otto. The words of the day are comfortable by the Daily Spur, attend from Fandango, cloudscape from Ragtag, and spectacle from the Word of the Day challenge via Kristian. Nove Otto is 9 lines of 8 syllables each line, and the pattern of rhyme is aacbbcddc.

As always, be sure to go over and show some love to the hosts of these word challenges, and please join in the fun of the creativity their words invoke inside of you.

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The cloudscape that lingered above
If possible, I would feel love
Such a beautiful spectacle
I stood there comfortable, numb
To attend such beauty when glum
Now feeling hypochondrial
The anxiety removes peace
My sanity begins decrease
I pray to fight the obstacle

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xoxo, E.M.

The Rhythm of My Chaos

Yesterday’s word challenges (September 23, 2021) were effort from the Daily Spur, suggest from Fandango, another day from Ragtag, and needles from Word of the Day Challenge via Cyanny. The poetry style I will be using is another Laura Lamarca style called La’ritmo. It was pretty cool that the words are all cohesive with one another and should be easy to correlate together in creativity and in the type of day that I had. I don’t like being late, but I always show up…even if I am late *smiles*.

Today’s word challenges (September 24, 2021) will also be on this post, and they are passion from Daily Spur, lecture from #FOWC, lamp from RDP, and anemone from the Word of the Day challenge via Melanie B. Cee.

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It was supposed to be a normal, routine day
Waking, to the nothingness and quiet, I pray
Sometimes to no avail, but I always plead out
The rhythm of my chaos wins, without a doubt

Another day would have been better than that served
More effort extended, my intentions now curved
My triggers standing on end, seeking to obtain clout
The rhythm of my chaos wins, without a doubt

Surrounded by feelings, tears suggest I may care
The environment around me steals all the air
Thick and suffocating, the toxicity stout
The rhythm of my chaos wins, without a doubt

The way that they hate me is needless and obtuse
My mouth zipped shut without speaking, no more abuse
My unwanted voice silences to stop debate
The toxicity wins, my feelings desiccate

The needing to end my suffering and torment
Never-ending pain, like soft skin pounding cement
These emotions are raw and hard to navigate
The deep toxicity wins, the soul to desiccate

The normal girl full of passion and much desire
Saves her soul from this world, filled with that of hellfire
The lantern of my eyes fade and soul chips like slate
The deep toxicity wins, the soul to desiccate

Like an anemone, stinging me by the touch
This is all weighing too heavy on me, too much
Twisting and turning, there has to be a new route
The rhythm of my chaos wins, without a doubt

Normal sounds blissful like a fairy tale ending
Can you not realize the thoughts my head are upending
Another lecture, uninvited, I can never take that bait
The deep toxicity wins, the soul to desiccate

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xoxo, E.M.

How Do I See Me?

I am at it again…with my combined word challenges *giggles*

Todays words will be drop by Daily Spur, lethal by Ragtag Daily Prompt, boutique by Fandango’s One Word Challenge, and sparkling from Word of the Day via Kristian. I will be doing the Lannet poetry style today, which is a 14-line, 10 syllable count line, no-rhyming sonnet by made by Laura Lamarca. As always, be sure to go to these pages and show some love while challenging yourself to be creative!

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On days like these, opinions vary, strife
As much as I wish to see sparkling, happy, free
The mirror, at times, is my nemesis
My self-esteem towards my view is lethal
Like time is rushing fast, I see wrinkles
Curved around my lip like an hourglass
My teeth gone like yesterday’s terrible news

My body screams when I struggle into tight-fit jeans
My favorite ones from my favorite boutique, sighing strongly
I feel my head drop down in shame, affliction
Who was this girl who had gotten so round?
I choke, I cry, I fall to my knees, defeat
My power and esteem stuck in the past
How I miss the days of being blissful….

#Ragtag Daily Prompt