Her Shining Star – Flashback Friday

Each week, Fandango hosts a prompt called Flashback Friday. He invites us to share an old post from the previous year or on the exact number date (19th) of any month if you do not have a post for the exact date. This is a post from my old blog, and it was a poem I had posted on March 19, 2016. It’s funny that I have been blogging since 2016, but I never post much in November.

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Here is my Flashback:

The kindness in her eyes
Turned to awesome fear
She couldn’t look away
Her vision tuning in so clear

Tip tap, tip tap, tip-tap
The light footsteps sing
Getting closer and closer
Speeding up to a full-swing

A silhouette approaches
Tightly, she closes her eyes
Shivering inside herself
Nervously she then cries

Lightly peeking eyes open
It’s standing before her face
Her eyes shine out with brilliance
Her fear now become displaced

Before her was no stranger
Her hero was there to stay
As they stand there together
Now laughing, cries fade away

The silhouette became her husband
The fear and anguish dissipate
No shadows there to fear now
Her heart pit-pattering with his embrace

Hand in hand they sway as one
As they walk towards the door
Her fear now non-existent
Facing where the shadow was before

She grips his hand tightly
Allowing him to take the lead
A light emerges from the hall
There was nothing to fear indeed

There stood her friends and family
Smiles lit upon each and every face
Feeling so silly, now smiling back
Finally, feel safe in this space

Her hero is her only love
Protecting her near or far
Leading her away from any harm
He’s her bright and shining star

©E.M. Kingston 3/19/2016

E.M.’s Flashback Friday – 11/12/2021

I had to go back to my archive of poetry from my old blog to find something to share for today’s Flashback Friday prompt from Fandango. I did not have a post for the exact date of today, but I did have one for the date of 6/12/2016. It made me remember how long my darkness and unhappiness ruled my life, but that is not a bad thing. It makes me look forward, and forward has what I want and love in it.

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Painful Love Lost

The battle fighting within me
breaks me from the inside out
as I see your faces as I remember you all
loving me the way you used to.

The tears I cry in my dreams are real
the memories like yesterday but today
but I cannot cry them when awake
for they make me feel weak and afraid.

I gave you so much of myself
that sometimes I have not much left
to share with others or even to sustain life
because you were my life, and you’re gone.

I try not to think of you most times
thinking the pain will just fade away
but this kind of pain sits in your gut
and it fights you and rips you apart.

Maybe that will make you feel better
knowing that I’m never going to be okay
but even still you should know
I love you all until the last breath leaves my lungs.

I was born to love you.

© E.M. Kingston 6/12/2016

I Found Out Today

Little secrets, little lies
Irrelevant at the time

Two hours later, not enough time
I was never really on your mind

Deception of mind, trying too hard
You never were really mine

All my money, financially struck
You used me while you moved on

Blame game, hurting my soul
I’m singing my same ole song

Loyalty I gave, destruction received
My heart is burning and in need

Broken promises, anger with hate
My word kept with tears on my face

Tearing burning heart, soul aflame
Maybe my stupidity is stronger than grace

Every single thing I had inside

Now crumble into nothing

My heart is cold and numb

Nothing left to give another soul

Your violations of trust burst inside me like fire

I found out.

© E.M. Kingston 2020

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This is being posted for Fandango’s Flashback Friday. The original post was published on November 1, 2020.

Flashback Friday – Grounded Happily

This post was originally published on October 29,2020. I am sharing it again for Fandango’s Flashback Friday. I remember this day very well. It was a good day and clarified my standing with myself. I lost it again somewhere between then and now, but I am slowly coming back up.

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It’s funny how time changes when you are alone.

Sometimes it flows slower because you are not racing to make anyone else happy anymore.

You can take a moment to breathe in a deep breath, and that breath revives your inner-self and soul.

It feels so good that even your bones feel free of release from pain, stress, worry, and anxiety.

You feel loose rather than the tightness of glue on your skin.

Alone feels like freedom when you allow yourself to feel truly in your own skin and space that belongs only to you.

You feel grounded.

Your soul regroups.

Then you’re able to feel surrounded by yourself and feel like you’re not alone anymore. 

© E.M. Kingston 2020

E.M.’s Flashback Friday – October 22, 2021

Each Friday, Fandango has a Flashback Friday to bring current one of our past posts. I did not have one for the 22nd on any of my submissions, which was funny to me, but I was not always consistent on posting. The post I am going to share with you is a poem from April 23, 2017. It was written right before my marriage ended.

https://fivedotoh.com/2021/10/22/fandangos-flashback-friday-october-22nd/

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Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels.com

There…

APRIL 23, 2017 / EMKINGSTON / EDIT

There I sat weeping head in palms
Awaiting you to see me for who I am
Or who I was going to be

There I stood contemplating your mood
Wanting to reach out to you open-armed
But you turned your back to me

Why is this such a difficult task for us?
I ask with sad feelings and heart broke down
Do you see that I am returning your love?

There I listened to complaints of their woes
Hoping that there would be an end to the pain
And I failed yet again at making smiles on our faces

There I saw you moving forward away from me
Anguishing in the complexity of the situation
Only to feel more gut-wrenching sorrow from you

There I am…alone.

© E.M. Kingston

You Inspire Me, Dad

Last January I lost my father, and it has been one of the hardest things that I have ever encountered in my life.  The feeling that I will never be able to call him, hear his voice, complain about this or that…it’s overwhelming still after a year of him being gone.  I think the word I am looking for to describe it is surreal.  It still seems like he is there, and then I realize that he is gone.  Losing a parent feels like a completely different loss to me than losing a friend or other family member.

Through every loss in your life though, you get something in return…at least that is how I think about it.  I got back my ability to write again.  Dad was a poet, and he had wisdom well beyond what I had ever imagined growing up.  I admired him as my father, but I don’t think I saw him completely until I was sifting through my box of photos and his stuff that I brought back after the funeral.  His poems were also in this box.  I sat here for hours reading all of them.  I learned so much about him that I never knew, and it brought tears to my eyes.  As soon as I was done reading, I created this blog, and I have been writing for hours upon hours now…the only rest between was sleep.  He inspired me to start writing again because it is what we have always shared with one another.

Growing up I would share my short stories and poems with him, and he would critique them in a caring but efficient way.  Sometimes it made me so mad when he would give me direction on one of my stories, but as I look back, I appreciate that criticism.  It was hard to take in.  I was just a little girl…about 10 years old I would think looking back.  I had no idea then that we would share the same passion for creativity and expressiveness.

His pen name was S.A. Kingston, and he was a brilliant poet and artist of words.  He was my Dad, and I miss him dearly.  I am thankful I have his poems to look back on and reflect on who he was because it is helping me find myself again.

So, here I am, Dad.  I am writing again, and it feels really good.  Thank you for giving me the inspiration to feel through my words again and share my creativity with the world.  You are my light in the window of my soul.  I will keep the candle burning for you.

There…

There I sat weeping head in palms
Awaiting you to see me for who I am
Or who I was going to be

There I stood contemplating your mood
Wanting to reach out to you open-armed
But you turned your back to me

Why is this such a difficult task for us?
I ask with sad feelings and heart broke down
Do you see that I am returning your love?

There I listened to complaints of their woes
Hoping that there would be an end to the pain
And I failed yet again at making smiles on our faces

There I saw you moving forward away from me
Anguishing in the complexity of the situation
Only to feel more gut-wrenching sorrow from you

There I am…alone.