E.M.’s World – 11/08/2021

Every week, Melanie invites us to share a little piece of our world with questions from her Share Your World prompt. This is my world that I will share this week.

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How many pillows do you sleep with? If over one or two, is it because you sleep better ‘propped up’ a little?

I sleep with two pillows in the beginning, and as I sleep, it dwindles down to the one below my big head lol. The initial 2nd pillow is to prop my arm up while I finish playing games on my phone or when my arm is hurting. I have a torn labrum in my armpit and microtears on my rotator cuff, and then I have some narrowing in my neck nerves from a herniated disc after a fusion in 2016. The second pillow helps me to fall asleep, but the poor thing usually finds itself wedged against the wall before I wake up.

What would be the worst thing you could put in a piñata?

Slime…Liquid Cheddar Cheese…Anything Wet or Sticky

What noise annoys you the most?

The gasping sound of the little boy on The Grudge, The Purge Siren, or a squeaky chair

If cartoon physics suddenly replaced real physics, what are some things you would want to try?

The dropping of the jaw with the backlash of it dropping over and over again from something shocking.

GRATITUDE SECTION (as always, OPTIONAL)

Please share something good that has happened to you over the past month.

I began feeling more like myself due to my medicine beginning to kick in and level my anxiety episodes, and I have had fewer depressive episodes as well. I am sleeping more normally, and my insomnia is subsiding due to the sleeping aspect of my bipolar meds as well.

Sunday Ramble – Anxiety, Wind, and Otherwise

Hello everyone! I have had a bad mental health weekend since I am getting used to the new meds. My highs are really high, and my sleep has been non-existent due to the highs making me like a kid jacked up on sugar, except for an entire week. I think in 5 days that I have slept less than 12 hours.

Then, to top it off, we have some very strong wind that is making the gazebo blinds smack the crap out of me when I am outside smoking, so there has been no comfort and lots of anger triggers. I have been annoyed to the point that I cannot concentrate on my favorite Sunday activity during this time of the year…football. I think I watched a little bit here and there. Tomorrow my team plays though, which I am excited about.

Long story short…E.M. is having a manic weekend. Works are in progress. I’ll be back at it again tomorrow, hopefully.

xoxo, E.M.

Fandango’s Provocative Question #137 from E.M.

This week, Fandango’s Provocative Question, is asking:

Have you ever been to a clothing-optional (nude) venue, such as a beach, resort, club, party, etc? If so, what did you think of the experience? Would you do it again? If not, would you ever consider going to a clothing-optional gathering? Why or why not?

My Answer:

I have never been to a venue where clothing is optional, but I do not know that I would ever feel comfortable going to such a venue due to my own viewpoints about myself. My self-esteem is not strong enough to strut across a beach or sit at a table naked and feel normal. I would find myself worrying about everyone else judging me because that is how my life has been my entire life. “You need a diet” or “Putting on a few extra pounds there, eh?” Those are the normal things I grew up with. My dad was very body conscious and never was out of shape. When I started putting on pounds, he began being critical of me. I still feel the effects.

Rewind: Backwards I Go

As per usual, I will be combining my word of the day challenges into one post with a new poetry style, which today will be A L’arora. It is another Laura Lamarca style, and consists of four 8-line stanzas without a syllabic restriction. The 6th and 8th line will be the only rhymes.

The word challenges today are bowl from Daily Spur, late from Fandango, amenable from Ragtag, and clueless from WOTD via Cyanny.

This post is inspired by last night’s events with the toxic ones. I will be moving soon. I still don’t know how I feel about it. I may be going backwards.

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I’m trying to move on but keep climbing to be pushed down
Like running up a human-sized bowl with slippers on my feet
Slipping, I struggle and wriggle and beg and plead unsuccessfully
I have become amenable to your behavior, your ways, and your abuse
My insides are screaming for safety, quality, and peace
To feel the essence of my own being sounds of sanctity and bliss

Just let me be and leave me alone…let me live
You think you have not erred…dumbfound and clueless

It’s too late to stop what you put into motion
I am turning my back, walking away, gone soon
In my eyes and heart, you’ll no longer exist
A stranger with no sister, no nieces, no great niece
Your family is leaving you and lacking one tear on our face
Your own doing, losing us all this way

All I wanted is to breath, to excel, and be myself
Your control, anger, and denial turned brightness gray

Calling me out of my name that came from my birth
Pushing and yelling, your triggered my soul
Pain and suffering was not ever the master plan of my move
Dumbed out here like garbage, I needed a light for my path
I was met with your darkness, exploits, and disdain

I have to save me now from the wrath of your illness
Conversations and a relationship are dead, I refrain

You broke me from the innermost part of who I could be tomorrow
Money is not what makes this world spin upon it’s axis
Only controls people to make them as puppets of their masters
All I wanted is to be who I am, successful and benevolent
You wanted mirror-image, to mold me as an imposter

All of this sorrow, so unneeded, unnecessary, and preventable
You can check my name off of your “people to abuse” roster

xoxo, E.M.

My Prayer to Above

Today’s poetry style I will be using with my word challenges today is Nove Otto. The words of the day are comfortable by the Daily Spur, attend from Fandango, cloudscape from Ragtag, and spectacle from the Word of the Day challenge via Kristian. Nove Otto is 9 lines of 8 syllables each line, and the pattern of rhyme is aacbbcddc.

As always, be sure to go over and show some love to the hosts of these word challenges, and please join in the fun of the creativity their words invoke inside of you.

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The cloudscape that lingered above
If possible, I would feel love
Such a beautiful spectacle
I stood there comfortable, numb
To attend such beauty when glum
Now feeling hypochondrial
The anxiety removes peace
My sanity begins decrease
I pray to fight the obstacle

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xoxo, E.M.

E.M.’s Three Things Challenge #1

Pensitivity101 sponsors a challenge on their blog called the Three Things Challenge, and this is also another of my first attempts. The words are caught, decorations, and stuck.

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My tears are decorations painting my face with wet

Caught by my lips, the taste of salt embraces my pucker

How long will I be stuck here in this suffering and disdain?

xoxo, E.M.

The Rhythm of My Chaos

Yesterday’s word challenges (September 23, 2021) were effort from the Daily Spur, suggest from Fandango, another day from Ragtag, and needles from Word of the Day Challenge via Cyanny. The poetry style I will be using is another Laura Lamarca style called La’ritmo. It was pretty cool that the words are all cohesive with one another and should be easy to correlate together in creativity and in the type of day that I had. I don’t like being late, but I always show up…even if I am late *smiles*.

Today’s word challenges (September 24, 2021) will also be on this post, and they are passion from Daily Spur, lecture from #FOWC, lamp from RDP, and anemone from the Word of the Day challenge via Melanie B. Cee.

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It was supposed to be a normal, routine day
Waking, to the nothingness and quiet, I pray
Sometimes to no avail, but I always plead out
The rhythm of my chaos wins, without a doubt

Another day would have been better than that served
More effort extended, my intentions now curved
My triggers standing on end, seeking to obtain clout
The rhythm of my chaos wins, without a doubt

Surrounded by feelings, tears suggest I may care
The environment around me steals all the air
Thick and suffocating, the toxicity stout
The rhythm of my chaos wins, without a doubt

The way that they hate me is needless and obtuse
My mouth zipped shut without speaking, no more abuse
My unwanted voice silences to stop debate
The toxicity wins, my feelings desiccate

The needing to end my suffering and torment
Never-ending pain, like soft skin pounding cement
These emotions are raw and hard to navigate
The deep toxicity wins, the soul to desiccate

The normal girl full of passion and much desire
Saves her soul from this world, filled with that of hellfire
The lantern of my eyes fade and soul chips like slate
The deep toxicity wins, the soul to desiccate

Like an anemone, stinging me by the touch
This is all weighing too heavy on me, too much
Twisting and turning, there has to be a new route
The rhythm of my chaos wins, without a doubt

Normal sounds blissful like a fairy tale ending
Can you not realize the thoughts my head are upending
Another lecture, uninvited, I can never take that bait
The deep toxicity wins, the soul to desiccate

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xoxo, E.M.

How Do I See Me?

I am at it again…with my combined word challenges *giggles*

Todays words will be drop by Daily Spur, lethal by Ragtag Daily Prompt, boutique by Fandango’s One Word Challenge, and sparkling from Word of the Day via Kristian. I will be doing the Lannet poetry style today, which is a 14-line, 10 syllable count line, no-rhyming sonnet by made by Laura Lamarca. As always, be sure to go to these pages and show some love while challenging yourself to be creative!

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On days like these, opinions vary, strife
As much as I wish to see sparkling, happy, free
The mirror, at times, is my nemesis
My self-esteem towards my view is lethal
Like time is rushing fast, I see wrinkles
Curved around my lip like an hourglass
My teeth gone like yesterday’s terrible news

My body screams when I struggle into tight-fit jeans
My favorite ones from my favorite boutique, sighing strongly
I feel my head drop down in shame, affliction
Who was this girl who had gotten so round?
I choke, I cry, I fall to my knees, defeat
My power and esteem stuck in the past
How I miss the days of being blissful….

#Ragtag Daily Prompt

Woes of My Heart

Good morning everyone! Today my word of the day challenges are paper from the Daily Spur, lithography from Word of the Day Challenge, crow from Ragtag’s Daily Prompt, and duplicitous from Fandango’s One Word Challenge. The poetry style I will be using today to write my poem is La’libertas. I will be using them all in one post cohesively while following the style of the stanzas with the Italian couplet…I hope *smiles*. Be sure to go and show these pages some love and visit them.

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This woeful heart, stained with blood ink
Pain like the fatty oil, imprint
My heart, the stone, absorbing every hint
The muscle inside, wilting, pink

Not red, unlike the lithography of your actions
Stone and rip my broken, paper heart
As you drag me through the depths
The imprints of your duplicitous behavior
Sets me as prey for the flying crow
Dragging me across the limestone of your tongue

My aura stained, energy spent
Begging, pleading, to rid our link
The repetitive actions stink
Of your tongue, your hands, now repent!

I was not your clay, to mold your way
Only if you knew the damage, the disrespect
My submission, not forced, came freely
As a gift, I gave you all of myself
The woes of my heart are screaming out
The karma that will come…I hope you melt!

i guai del mio cuore sono tutto ciò che provo
nei momenti di solitudine e isolamento, salvami

xoxo, E.M.

Poem about psychosis by Therapy Bits–Reblog

its like a dream
everythings serene
but my head spins
wizzing, it goes never slows
i sit, i dont want to quit
but life drags me down
and i begin to frown
am i here,
or do i even care
psychosis my therapist says
why, i try, and i try i just want to fly […]

Poem about psychosis <— Click Here to Read the Full Poem by the Author

I am new to reblogging, so I hope I am doing this right. The author, Carol Anne, has a blog called Therapy Bits. She wrote this amazing poem that I could feel and relate to, so I wanted to share it with all of you that follow me. Be sure to stop over and show her some love.

xoxo E.M.