E.M.’s Song Lyric Sunday on a Monday

I am running behind on my Sunday posts. I was engrossed in my football games yesterday, and on top of that, I had some mental stuff happening. The football distracted me pretty well.

This week the Song Lyric Sunday‘s theme was songs that feature lyrics of Concern, Fear, Fret, Worry suggested by Fandango of This, That and the Other

The first song I found was one I have never heard before, and it’s sung so beautifully for such a sad topic. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

“Fear Is A Liar”

When he told you you’re not good enough
When he told you you’re not right
When he told you you’re not strong enough
To put up a good fight
When he told you you’re not worthy
When he told you you’re not loved
When he told you you’re not beautiful
That you’ll never be enough

Fear he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
Cause fear he is a liar

When he told you were troubled
You’ll forever be alone
When he told you you should run away
You’ll never find a home
When he told you you were dirty
And you should be ashamed
When he told you you could be the one
That grace could never change

Fear he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
Cause fear he is a liar

Let Your fire fall and cast out all my fears
Let Your fire fall Your love is all I feel

Fear he is a liar
He will take your breath
Stop you in your steps
Fear he is a liar
He will rob your rest
Steal your happiness
Cast your fear in the fire
Cause fear he is a liar

I have to say that I am loving this theme because I found another song that is pretty uplifting for a girl that lives to worry about everything and fears so many things. Good theme, Fandango! Here’s another one! The lyrics are in the video perfectly, so I won’t add lyrics on this one.


This next song by Julia Brennan is one of my go-to songs when I am feeling terrible mentally. I have so many inner demons due to PTSD, and this song always lifts me up from the ashes and away from the trauma. It’s about fear of failing to keep the demons out of your head and calling to the angels to help you do that. Again, the lyrics are done beautifully in the lyrics of the video.


This is the last one I will share *giggles*…this is a topic that I am fluent in because of being bipolar and going to music on my episodes. Add personality disorder and I have a playlist that will shake things up a little bit I am sure. This one from Jelly Roll is about the only song of his that I like, sad to say, but it is very impressionable on me when I need it. I think it could be put under the categories of concern and fret.

“I Need You”
by Jelly Roll

Father, forgive me
For I know I have sinned

Close my eyes and I pray
‘Cause I feel the skies fallin’ on me
(Feel the skies fallin’ on me)
And the walls cavin’ in
And I feel like I just cannot breathe
(Like I just cannot breathe)

And I feel like (feel like)
I may lose my mind (mind)
This is real life (real life)
Can anyone hear my cries? (Cries)
Will you forgive me? (Will you forgive me?)
I can’t shake this depression
And I’m always stressin’
And nobody feels me
Baby, I need you (baby, I need you)
Oh, baby, I need you (baby, I need you)
No more bargainin’
Back-and-forth arguing’s
What we agreed to

If I fall out into space,
Will my problems finally fade?
I need you

I keep rollin’ and smokin’
And blowin’ to deal with these problems
(To deal with these problems)
I keep drinkin’ and poppin’ these pills
But it never resolves them
(It never resolves them)

And I feel like (feel like)
It’s my time to blow (blow)
This is real life (real life)
I’m ’bout to explode (explode)
Will you forgive me? (Will you forgive me?)
I can’t shake this depression
And I’m always stressin’
And nobody feels me
Baby, I need you (baby, I need you)
Baby, I need you (baby, I need you)
No more bargainin’
Back-and-forth arguing’s
What we agreed to

If I fall out into space,
Will my problems finally fade?
If I fall out into space,
Will my problems finally fade?
I need you

I hope you all enjoyed the music! It was a great theme for me this week. I’m sorry I am late.

xoxo, E.M.

Dragging My Behind … Sleepy Ramble

Last night I think I was a bit manic and racy because I had insomnia like crazy. I was up too late, and so today, I feel like my arse is following behind me on the floor. (How many of you just saw a dog scooting their butt on the ground? Haha!) 😀

All jokes aside, I am so tired that I have tried to write with my prompts a few times today and scratched everything that I was able to come up with. My posts are sitting in my draft folder yelling at me for putting them there. I figure I will fix them tomorrow.

It will be an early night for me.

Next time y’all see me up later than normal, tell me to take my behind to bed 😀 😀 😀

See the source image
Image Credit: Pinterest

Comfort Zone of E.M. ~ #Bloganuary

Image Credit: Bloganuary

When I uprooted my life and moved to California, I left my comfort zone. I only had utilities to pay. No car payment, and no house payment. I owned my land, and everything was mine.

Now I stay with family instead of having my own place, but it is not a bad thing. It would feel good to have my own place, but my disabilities have stopped me from being productive for my financial growth since moving here.

It’s going to get better though. I am working really hard to get my physical ailments fixed to make me functional in society again.

I am lucky to have a good support system and people that care about me in the transition away from what I knew to be comforting. Now I have new comfort.

xoxo, E.M.

E.M.’s World – 1/3/2022

It’s weird typing the date as “2022”, but it really is a new year. I am sure it will test, challenge, and frustrate me like all the other years, but at least I will do it with a smile for the most part.

With that said, this post is for Melanie B. Cee’s Share Your World. It’s a Q & A prompt to allow your reader to know a little bit about you without getting too personal, as some of us choose to keep our anonymity.

Here are the questions:

QUESTIONS (NEWEST AND FINAL E.S. BATCH FROM DECEMBER 2021)

Ricky “The Pious” Raccoon asks a two-parter: (12-2-2021)

What frivolous, but annoying, thing that people do be considered a sin (crime)?

Chewing food with their mouth open to the point that you can hear the food sloshing in their mouth as they chew and the slapping of their lips together while they do it should most definitely be considered sinful and/or a crime. It sounds like a cow chewing its cud, and it’s a terribly bad habit.

And how should violators be made to repent (be punished) for it?

Hmm. Good question. A slap in the face after all the food is swallowed sounds good to me. Anyone can enforce it…just walk up and tell them to chew with their mouth closed and then pop them right in the cheek. That’s how bad it annoys me 😀 😀 😀


Mary “The Poster Lamb For Cute” (12-9-2021) asks

Imagination IN and impracticality and logic aside, if you could pick one animal to have as an exotic pet based solely on how cute and adorable it is, what would it be?

An owl. I love owls. It does not matter which kind of owl. I think all of them are beautiful, majestic, and sacred. They are also my spirit animal.


The Sponkies (the result of an unusual pairing of a donkey and a sparkle pony) 12-16-2021

Do you have any siblings? If so, where do you rank in birth order? And do you think either of these facts contributed to the person you became?

Yes. I have two siblings. They are both sisters. One sister I share the same mom, and the other I share the same dad. I am the baby of the three of us. I have always had the strongest wild side of the three of us, but I do not believe it had anything to do with them. I was strong-minded and stubborn even as a child. My sister that I live with would tell you that I was a brat that got her in trouble all the time, so I think I have always been a pain in the arse 😀 😀


12-23-2021 ZAC (short for Prozac because his somewhat maniacal grinning face is rather creepy)…

We all have things that make us happy, but what makes you deliriously, giddily, tail wagging-ly happy?

When people do things for me that I am not expecting, I get really happy and giddy. I also get like that when I get praise from someone. It makes me feel like I have accomplished something.


Evil Squirrel (and the final question from E.S. “Nest” o’ fun!) 12-30-2021

If you had an alter ego, who or what would it be? Describe some fun or interesting things about them!

Sometimes I feel like I already have an alter ego. Being a Gemini, it’s a given that there are two sides to me, and they are both very different. The good twin is caring, loving, compassionate, and all of those other traits that are making her unique to herself. The bad twin is a bit of a twit, brat, or whichever other name that can relate to her obnoxiousness. She has a wild side, and she partakes in risky behavior…shops way too much and does not get attached to people…mostly because no one sticks around, so why should she? I don’t like my bad twin very much when I am trying to figure out life. In my mind’s eye, she would be the confident one, and the good one is the emotional one.

If I could relate that to some type of person or superhero, my alter ego would be a female version of Venom.

GRATITUDE SECTION (ALWAYS OPTIONAL)

What are some hopes or accomplishments you’d like to see happen in 2022?

I will make a list on this one.

  • Get my paralegal certification
  • Take the LSAT
  • Get my pain figured out and fixed
  • Get a job
  • Lose a few pounds but not too many
  • Get in better physical shape
  • Fix the small issues with my car
  • Paint my room
  • Love myself

These are just the things that come to mind.


Thank you Melanie for this amazing prompt for us to participate in! We all appreciate you and all of the hard work you do on WordPress. ❤

E.M.’s Saturday Song of the Week – 1/1/2022

My song of the week this week would have to be I Need You by Jelly Roll. I am not normally a fan of his genre of music, but I can relate to this song immensely, especially when things are hard with my mental health. Sometimes I need someone. Sometimes I have to feel this song to feel better. It’s been a rough week, but music always heals my soul.

Humpday Hmphs from E.M.

Today has been one of those days that try out my medicine for me. There are many things going on, and I think that my meds are having to work overtime today.

When my spine doctor upped my Lyrica at night, we forgot to adjust the prescription to make sure I did not run out of meds. Well, guess what? I am feeling all my nerve pain because I have had to space out pills and take less than prescribed amounts to not run out before tomorrow. It’s got me grouchy and frustrated, so my posts will probably reflect this mood. Just typing this is making my shoulder feel like it is on fire *growls*.

Then, Klaus decided to use my pillow for his hiking post when I was grabbing my breakfast, which absolutely infuriated me. My psychiatrist upped my night dosage of the Seroquel to stabilize my mood from the manic episodes because I have been triggered a lot the past two weeks, mostly by the dogs’ bad behaviors. Marcel joined him in behavior this morning taste-testing my pancake while I took a trip to the loo.

Last, but most important, my oldest daughter and her boyfriend have tested positive for Covid after the Christmas festivities. She was symptomatic the very next day. Along with them, her boyfriend’s mom and dad and a few other people got it. Luckily they know the source, and the source self-quarantined as soon as they heard that the family was having symptoms. My daughter and her boyfriend are fully vaccinated (minus the booster because it’s due next month), and his mom is as well. His dad is not vaccinated, so pray for him because he has developed symptoms as well. They are not sure which strain of the virus…as they just said “POSITIVE”, and my daughter says she feels okay. She said it feels like the flu with a head cold. The clinic is treating their symptoms.

There is an important lesson in my daughter’s situation though. Her boyfriend’s mother and someone else, (cannot remember who), did a rapid test the day they developed symptoms. It came back negative and got sent off. The cousin who had the covid in the beginning also had a negative test. So the lesson is to be tested 3-5 days prior to joining a social situation. Rapid tests are rapid, but that does not mean they are accurate. Everyone rushed around and got rapid tests, and it spread covid rapidly *shrugs*

Please stay safe everyone!

xoxo, E.M.

E.M.’s World – December 27,2021

I am always excited on Mondays to get to blogging, even though today I am running way behind. Mondays have several prompts that I love to participate in, and Share Your World from Melanie is one of those awesome prompts.

This week’s SYW is about 2021. Shall we begin my ramble? I think so!

SHARE YOUR WORLD QUESTIONS

At 12 a.m. on December 31st/Jan 1st, what will you be doing? (use your own time zone please)

I am on Pacific Time. At midnight on New Year’s Eve, I will be watching the ball drop on television while sipping on a margarita, spending time with my family, snacking on cheese and crackers, and wishing I had the man I wanted in front of me to kiss me into the new year.

Is there a tradition you have for New Year’s Eve?

Margaritas, food, and the ball drop. My sister doesn’t really drink, but she joins me in celebration. The biggest tradition we have is that we do not go out after dark on NYE. There are too many crazies out, and we wish to live lol.

Do you have any hope or reason you find that next year will be better?

It has got to be better. This year and last were terrible for me. I hope that I can find employment after we figure out how to handle my shoulder and neck, and I think that Covid will finally die down a little bit. I hope so anyway because I hate being scared to leave my house.

What’s the biggest personal lesson you learned during 2021?

I learned that my brain is an organ too, and that organ can malfunction just like your heart can. I always saw mental illness for me as a weakness, and I would say that I did not want to take a pill to be normal. Sometimes you have to take a pill to feel like a human. Never neglect your mental health, and reach out for help to professionals when you need to and before it’s too late.

GRATITUDE SECTION

Describe in 1-3 words how you feel going into 2022.

Hopeful

Alone

Worried

See the source image
Photo Courtesy of Me.Me.

Manic Wednesday?

It’s been one of those days of manic episodes. My morning started out unusual and kept going. This episode numbed all the pain in my body, and I went on a cleaning spree.

That wasn’t the weirdest thing though. I remembered my dreams for the first time since starting my medicine. I have not remembered dreaming for about 2 months.

I don’t know if this is good or bad, but my dream was realistic. I had to message my friend to make sure we didn’t have a conversation on the phone.

Long story short, I was manicly high all day, and now I feel like I walked through a wind tunnel. Exhausted 😩

xoxo, E.M.

My Best Things in Life – FPQ #147

This week, Fandango’s Provocative question asks:

What’s the best thing you’ve got going on in your life at the moment?

My answer is:

I have a few things that come to mind that are the best things, but the very best thing that is going on in my life is that I finally feel good mentally. I had been spiraling in manic episodes for so long that I felt out of control and near suicidal. I was out of control, and I am finally feeling like the real me. The real me is passive and not so dark. I still like to be an emo-type girl, but that bright side of me comes out in moments when it should. That feels stable and secure. I don’t like not feeling safe. This is also the first time I am putting myself first when choosing “my best thing”.

The second best thing going on in my life right now is that my grandbaby will be turning 1 year old on December 14th. It doesn’t seem like it’s been a year since my daughter was induced and had her. This is my grandbaby:

Image Credit: M. H.

She is my light in the darkness. With one of her smiles, she makes me smile, and that is a good way to spend the day.

xoxo, E.M.

Thankfulness: Sunday Poser #55

This is my first time participating in Sadje’s Sunday Poser, and I think I picked a good week to start. The prompt asks us (in this beautiful photo):

These bits of gratitude are in no particular order…just how they came into my mind as I write this. I am grateful to be alive and for my family who is being a great support system for me. Life had been pretty dark for a while, and things feel normal again. With all of the pain that I caused them with my illness, I am thankful that I was able to get help and make life easier for my loved ones and myself. I am thankful for having breath in my lungs, and I am so appreciative to have a roof over my head that is safe and secure. I am thankful for football, as silly as that sounds. Most of all, I am thankful for being a little girl’s Gigi that she can trust and love, and I am thankful to be a mother to my children. That was something that had been stolen from me for a very long time, and it’s really nice to have my children in my life. They have always been my priority and my heart, and I am so glad that life has brought them where they belong.