My Body Art – FPQ #144

This week’s provocative question from Fandango is about tattoos.

Do you have any tattoos? What is the meaning or significance of them? If you do have tattoos, do you have any regrets about any of them?

My Answer is:

I have a little under two handfuls of tattoos on my body. I love body art, and all of my tattoos have happened for a reason chosen by me. Some of them cover up scars from being a cutter, and others have a more philosophical meaning along with covering my scars. There are a few that need a cover-up because they are not what I intended them to be, but all of them have a meaning that is special to me. They remind me of different periods in my life growing up and the maturity of finding more meaning as I got older.

I am one of those people that love getting the tattoo…sort of a masochist I suppose, so the act of getting a tattoo is just as therapeutic as choosing where to put it and what to wear for the rest of my life. No regrets ever…bad tattoos just give me a reason to get more to cover up the old ones lol.

xoxo, E.M.

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My shoulderblade tattoo I got in 2012. The text says “Isaiah 40:31”.
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This is my wrist tattoo. One bird for each of my children and a corresponding colored heart for each of their favorite colors.
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This is my little sassy fairy with stardust. She’s representative of me.
May be an image of one or more people and eyeglasses
There’s me with fairy dust lol.
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This is my most significant tattoo with the most meaning. The owl is my spirit animal who protects me. The purple ribbon is for being a survivor of domestic violence, and I have a rose for each child, one for myself, and one to show I am still growing.

E.M.’s Truth for Tuesday

Today’s Truthful Tuesday is about life and how it decided to treat us on this November 16th Tuesday. PCGuyIV asks us how life is treating us and to share a truth about today.

My Tuesday has been traumatic to my body.

My dogs are rebellious at times, and they pee on things when they are ticked off at me. It’s annoying because they know to go outside, but they still find it necessary to show me who the boss is by pissing on something. To attempt to “retrain” them, I put a baby gate in the hallway that leads into the living room, since my sister’s chair corner and the arm of the couch had been my oldest, senile dog’s favorite places to give me the “what-for”.

So today, I climbed over the gate as usual with my short legs (I am only 4’11”), and my right set of toes catch the top of the gate in the worst way possible. Down I went! My knee hit first, and then I caught the rest of my body with my bad shoulder, wrist, and then my bum took some of the damage as well. I am sorer than I could imagine, and I have a purple goose egg below my knee cap. My feet are swollen from my bum taking the shock of the fall, and I am annoyed that we have to put a gate up for two bad babies that cannot stop hiking their legs. My shoulder blade in the back is screaming at me, and my right leg is cramping…and mind you that I did not fall on that one.

I am about to take my nighttime meds and take my sore bum to bed lol. I don’t know if I will be able to move in the morning, but here’s to hoping that my body heals itself in my slumber.

xoxo, E.M.

The Lover’s Walk

This week’s Story Starter teaser is:

We had planned to meet under the bridge at midnight, but…

my heart was still so fragile from the night before. Deon and I had a terrible fight last night, and I had spent the majority of my night hugged up with my pillow and soaking it with tears. My heart was broken. It was hard to fall asleep due to the pain in my heart. If a sign would have addressed the state of mind I was in, it would have been a big, yellow HAZARD sign. My heart was up Shite Creek without a paddle when we fought or had a bad night, and I really wanted to meet him there under the stars. I would break every speed limit to get there, just to see his face and be in close proximity.

I could picture myself there, standing at the bridge, agog with excitement awaiting his arrival. He was one of those men that made your leg kick up slightly with just a peck of a kiss. He always smelled like the finest cologne, and he was so utterly handsome. When things were normal in our relationship, we would satiate for one another and be at one with our togetherness.

The problem was that he had been through so much in his life that his trauma ruled his life. When life went bad, so did he. When things were good, they were really good, but when things were bad, they were really bad. He would exude that trauma at me when I would least expect it. I tried not to blame him, but that was one of the hardest tasks.

Instead of meeting him under that bridge next to the ocean’s edge, I took all the money I had, cash and all, and I bought a one-way ticket out of town. He would come home to find a note folded neatly on the counter, and all it would say when his eyes found it was “Goodbye.”


© E.M. Kingston 2021

This post was written for Fandango’s Story Starter #20, The Daily Spur’s Word of the Day, Fandango’s One-Word Challenge, Ragtag’s Daily Prompt, Word of the Day Challenge, My Vivid Blog’s Word Challenge, Your Daily Word Prompt, and Three Things Challenge.

xoxo, E.M.

E.M.’s Flashback Friday – 11/12/2021

I had to go back to my archive of poetry from my old blog to find something to share for today’s Flashback Friday prompt from Fandango. I did not have a post for the exact date of today, but I did have one for the date of 6/12/2016. It made me remember how long my darkness and unhappiness ruled my life, but that is not a bad thing. It makes me look forward, and forward has what I want and love in it.


Painful Love Lost

The battle fighting within me
breaks me from the inside out
as I see your faces as I remember you all
loving me the way you used to.

The tears I cry in my dreams are real
the memories like yesterday but today
but I cannot cry them when awake
for they make me feel weak and afraid.

I gave you so much of myself
that sometimes I have not much left
to share with others or even to sustain life
because you were my life, and you’re gone.

I try not to think of you most times
thinking the pain will just fade away
but this kind of pain sits in your gut
and it fights you and rips you apart.

Maybe that will make you feel better
knowing that I’m never going to be okay
but even still you should know
I love you all until the last breath leaves my lungs.

I was born to love you.

© E.M. Kingston 6/12/2016

Today’s Ramble – Neck Pain

In 2013, I was injured while working as an attendant at a gas station. I always make the joke that I was disabled by a 30-pack of beer, but it’s not really that big of a joke. I’ve had to return to the doctor again after having surgery on both my neck and shoulder from a customer not moving a 30-pack of beer within my reach to scan it during checkout. Apparently, the way that my finger grabbed it, dislocated my shoulder and tore my labrum inside of my shoulder. That one painful sensation in one night’s time from one customer’s laziness has led me to two major surgeries in 2016, five (going on six MRIs), and a great deal of pain and suffering.

So, here it is 2021, and I am still having problems with both my neck and shoulder. So, I made an appointment, and I went to see that doctor today. He’s a spine doctor. He’s kind of a jerk, but my last spine doctor was an asshole too…maybe that’s what makes them the best. Who knows? He ordered an MRI of my cervical spine, and I will have to schedule that when they call me. He also prescribed Lyrica to help with the nerve pain at night to allow me to sleep better. I have tried Gabapentin before, and it made me feel the bone-on-bone pain in my shoulder. Wish me luck on that…I will pick it up tomorrow.

I am about to write some more on the novel and on the challenges. I have a few to get done. I am running late today due to this appointment from earlier. Have a great rest of your day or night everyone! Thanks for reading!

xoxo, E.M.

I Found Out Today

Little secrets, little lies
Irrelevant at the time

Two hours later, not enough time
I was never really on your mind

Deception of mind, trying too hard
You never were really mine

All my money, financially struck
You used me while you moved on

Blame game, hurting my soul
I’m singing my same ole song

Loyalty I gave, destruction received
My heart is burning and in need

Broken promises, anger with hate
My word kept with tears on my face

Tearing burning heart, soul aflame
Maybe my stupidity is stronger than grace

Every single thing I had inside

Now crumble into nothing

My heart is cold and numb

Nothing left to give another soul

Your violations of trust burst inside me like fire

I found out.

© E.M. Kingston 2020


This is being posted for Fandango’s Flashback Friday. The original post was published on November 1, 2020.

Flashback Friday – Grounded Happily

This post was originally published on October 29,2020. I am sharing it again for Fandango’s Flashback Friday. I remember this day very well. It was a good day and clarified my standing with myself. I lost it again somewhere between then and now, but I am slowly coming back up.


It’s funny how time changes when you are alone.

Sometimes it flows slower because you are not racing to make anyone else happy anymore.

You can take a moment to breathe in a deep breath, and that breath revives your inner-self and soul.

It feels so good that even your bones feel free of release from pain, stress, worry, and anxiety.

You feel loose rather than the tightness of glue on your skin.

Alone feels like freedom when you allow yourself to feel truly in your own skin and space that belongs only to you.

You feel grounded.

Your soul regroups.

Then you’re able to feel surrounded by yourself and feel like you’re not alone anymore. 

© E.M. Kingston 2020

2010 – Story Starter #16

Fandango has a weekly Story Starter to get us writing some new goodies on our blogs, and it’s a great way to get a story started and be inspired to write.

This week’s Story Starter teaser is:

It was in the spring of 2010 when I first realized that I could…

free myself from the grips of a man who will never like me, let alone love me. I had thought in the beginning that he was the perfect one for me, but I could not have been more wrong. He was toxic, and I knew I needed to get away from his narcissisms. A chance came about where he went to jail for not paying his child support, and I made the attempt to keep him away. One of my friends drove all the way from Michigan to come and help me out. He had left me financially broken, which was not something that was new. I never had my own money, only his. That’s another way of many that he controlled me, with money. The other ways were with cars and forcing me to take drugs.

I had many different vehicles that he sold or trashed that belonged to me only for short moments. When he bought a vehicle for himself, it would be a manual transmission, since he knew I could not drive a stick. It required too much coordination, and I was not a fan of shifting gears. I was more of a put it into gear and go kind of girl. This disadvantage of mine, he used to his advantage to keep me home like a hermit. My only refuge away from the loneliness was my online gaming and social media. That wasn’t so bad, I guess. I got to interact with people who I found to be decent people, but I just had a small group of friends that could never save me from my solitude. It was what it was, but I knew I needed to get away or push him out.

As if the control with money and cars wasn’t enough, he then started bringing home drugs and telling me I was so fat that I needed to do them. When you are under control of another person, the manipulation of your mental health is easy, so I complied due to my self-hate that I already had about myself. He used my own issues with myself against me, and I did what he said. He brought home meth, and I either snorted it or smoked it. It would keep me up for days though, which was almost a good side effect to the drugs. I’m not proud of the fact that I did not have the willpower to not do them, but they saved me from a lot of sexual abuse while sleeping. If I wasn’t asleep, he couldn’t get at me like he normally did. I embraced that fact about the meth. It saved me a little bit from more abuse.

When he got put in jail, everything was a little less heavy, and I went to visit him to tell him that he was not allowed to come home. At this time, we were not legally married, and I owned the house and land that we lived on. My mom gave it to me in an attempt to keep me from ever being homeless. My friend, who we will just call T.G., helped me with a few bills and finding my love of coffee. He showed me another world. Sadly, it was short-lived because I was scared of my ex, and I didn’t want T.G. to get hurt or for me to get hurt either. I sent him away and took the loser back when he got out of jail. I was too scared. I failed at this attempt to leave him or push him out.

There would be three other attempts, with third time being a charm, to get away from him. That is how I ended up in California. He moved onto the next victim. I still feel like I failed at escaping him sometimes because he got rid of me, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I found myself here.

If you have ever been in this situation or are in a situation like this, get out! There are many resources to help you, and I never knew about them. There are shelters that hide you from your abuser, and there are people that will help you get free. Don’t let them abuse you like I did. You may fail the first attempt at freedom, but keep trying until you succeed.

xoxo, E.M.

Anxious Heartbreak

Her upper lip quivered as she felt her heart being ripped from her chest.

The world she had created was being swallowed up by the fissure of mistakes of her past.

One conversation would change life back to a time when she was unstable and broken.

Her heartbreak was matching the anxiousness she was feeling in her soul as she lost everything again.

She had no understanding how it is always so easy for people to walk out of her life.

Except they do that all the time, and it is always when her life is one huge bungle of failure.

She’s running out of lives to live…

xoxo, E.M.