E.M.’s Sunday Poser on Loneliness

This week’s Sunday Poser from Sadje addresses loneliness and how we handle it.

Image Credit: Keep It Alive

The times I feel lonely are when I want to be around people, but the person I want to spend it with is not actively interacting with me. I have pretty much been single for two years this August, and I have never gotten over him. We still talk, and I think we are mending fences. I think he’s just the one person I am supposed to spend my life with…the problem is he doesn’t know that yet. If he does know it, he is too guarded with me to let himself feel it. He’s a great, complicated guy, and I am just getting to know myself again. I am lonely without him in my life though. I miss a human hugging me and kissing me. I miss having my best friend laying next to me. It sucks, but I think eventually we will fix things and be one again. Wishful thinking, but I think it’s realistic. He is going to come to see me tomorrow, so there’s hope.

I overcome it by putting myself into work and family relationships. I love spending time with my daughter and grandbaby, and I love writing on my blog and studying my paralegal course. The void is filled by them, but there is always that need to love and feel loved by someone who is not family. I kind of choose to be lonely. If I cannot be with him, I am fine with not being with anyone.

xoxo, E.M.

Thankfulness: Sunday Poser #55

This is my first time participating in Sadje’s Sunday Poser, and I think I picked a good week to start. The prompt asks us (in this beautiful photo):

These bits of gratitude are in no particular order…just how they came into my mind as I write this. I am grateful to be alive and for my family who is being a great support system for me. Life had been pretty dark for a while, and things feel normal again. With all of the pain that I caused them with my illness, I am thankful that I was able to get help and make life easier for my loved ones and myself. I am thankful for having breath in my lungs, and I am so appreciative to have a roof over my head that is safe and secure. I am thankful for football, as silly as that sounds. Most of all, I am thankful for being a little girl’s Gigi that she can trust and love, and I am thankful to be a mother to my children. That was something that had been stolen from me for a very long time, and it’s really nice to have my children in my life. They have always been my priority and my heart, and I am so glad that life has brought them where they belong.

The Island Sunset

Image Credit:  Nathan Watson via Unsplash

The reflection of the setting sun and dawning moon bounced off the water, and the island hid in the fog of the cool night along with the quarter of the setting sun that brought the eclipse of that night.

It was eerie and beautiful, at the same time, and it was a view that lovers would talk about to their children and grandchildren.

They would tell them how the sun melding with the moon on their first date set their destinies in stone while looking out upon the ocean that night, and they would feel the energy from that night for the rest of their lives.

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This was written for the Three Lines Tale 303 prompt.

Her Shining Star – Flashback Friday

Each week, Fandango hosts a prompt called Flashback Friday. He invites us to share an old post from the previous year or on the exact number date (19th) of any month if you do not have a post for the exact date. This is a post from my old blog, and it was a poem I had posted on March 19, 2016. It’s funny that I have been blogging since 2016, but I never post much in November.

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Here is my Flashback:

The kindness in her eyes
Turned to awesome fear
She couldn’t look away
Her vision tuning in so clear

Tip tap, tip tap, tip-tap
The light footsteps sing
Getting closer and closer
Speeding up to a full-swing

A silhouette approaches
Tightly, she closes her eyes
Shivering inside herself
Nervously she then cries

Lightly peeking eyes open
It’s standing before her face
Her eyes shine out with brilliance
Her fear now become displaced

Before her was no stranger
Her hero was there to stay
As they stand there together
Now laughing, cries fade away

The silhouette became her husband
The fear and anguish dissipate
No shadows there to fear now
Her heart pit-pattering with his embrace

Hand in hand they sway as one
As they walk towards the door
Her fear now non-existent
Facing where the shadow was before

She grips his hand tightly
Allowing him to take the lead
A light emerges from the hall
There was nothing to fear indeed

There stood her friends and family
Smiles lit upon each and every face
Feeling so silly, now smiling back
Finally, feel safe in this space

Her hero is her only love
Protecting her near or far
Leading her away from any harm
He’s her bright and shining star

©E.M. Kingston 3/19/2016

The Lover’s Walk

This week’s Story Starter teaser is:

We had planned to meet under the bridge at midnight, but…

my heart was still so fragile from the night before. Deon and I had a terrible fight last night, and I had spent the majority of my night hugged up with my pillow and soaking it with tears. My heart was broken. It was hard to fall asleep due to the pain in my heart. If a sign would have addressed the state of mind I was in, it would have been a big, yellow HAZARD sign. My heart was up Shite Creek without a paddle when we fought or had a bad night, and I really wanted to meet him there under the stars. I would break every speed limit to get there, just to see his face and be in close proximity.

I could picture myself there, standing at the bridge, agog with excitement awaiting his arrival. He was one of those men that made your leg kick up slightly with just a peck of a kiss. He always smelled like the finest cologne, and he was so utterly handsome. When things were normal in our relationship, we would satiate for one another and be at one with our togetherness.

The problem was that he had been through so much in his life that his trauma ruled his life. When life went bad, so did he. When things were good, they were really good, but when things were bad, they were really bad. He would exude that trauma at me when I would least expect it. I tried not to blame him, but that was one of the hardest tasks.

Instead of meeting him under that bridge next to the ocean’s edge, I took all the money I had, cash and all, and I bought a one-way ticket out of town. He would come home to find a note folded neatly on the counter, and all it would say when his eyes found it was “Goodbye.”

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© E.M. Kingston 2021

This post was written for Fandango’s Story Starter #20, The Daily Spur’s Word of the Day, Fandango’s One-Word Challenge, Ragtag’s Daily Prompt, Word of the Day Challenge, My Vivid Blog’s Word Challenge, Your Daily Word Prompt, and Three Things Challenge.

xoxo, E.M.

I Found Out Today

Little secrets, little lies
Irrelevant at the time

Two hours later, not enough time
I was never really on your mind

Deception of mind, trying too hard
You never were really mine

All my money, financially struck
You used me while you moved on

Blame game, hurting my soul
I’m singing my same ole song

Loyalty I gave, destruction received
My heart is burning and in need

Broken promises, anger with hate
My word kept with tears on my face

Tearing burning heart, soul aflame
Maybe my stupidity is stronger than grace

Every single thing I had inside

Now crumble into nothing

My heart is cold and numb

Nothing left to give another soul

Your violations of trust burst inside me like fire

I found out.

© E.M. Kingston 2020

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This is being posted for Fandango’s Flashback Friday. The original post was published on November 1, 2020.

I See Lost Love Found

This week’s photo for What Do You See is:

Image credit: Gennaro Leonardi @ Pixabay

He braced his arms around so tightly.

It reminded him of the days back in high school.

The only people around are them.

That embrace always set him free.

It made him feel whole and still does.

He loves feeling her in his arms again.

She clenches on so tightly.

Time was everlasting but not forgotten for their love.

Their love lost is now found.

It’s been so long, but his heart had never skipped a beat…

Until then…

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© E.M. Kingston 2021

Three Things Challenge #747 by E.M.

Pensitivity101 hosts the Three Things Challenge, and today’s words are hefty, hole, and missing. Here is my creation using these words.

She carries a hefty load upon her shoulders
Filled and packed down, heavy as boulders
The worry creating a hole in her caring heart
She has no clue where to go, how to start
To fill this void where love is missing
Has left her lonely and always wishing

xoxo, E.M.

Woes of My Heart

Good morning everyone! Today my word of the day challenges are paper from the Daily Spur, lithography from Word of the Day Challenge, crow from Ragtag’s Daily Prompt, and duplicitous from Fandango’s One Word Challenge. The poetry style I will be using today to write my poem is La’libertas. I will be using them all in one post cohesively while following the style of the stanzas with the Italian couplet…I hope *smiles*. Be sure to go and show these pages some love and visit them.

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This woeful heart, stained with blood ink
Pain like the fatty oil, imprint
My heart, the stone, absorbing every hint
The muscle inside, wilting, pink

Not red, unlike the lithography of your actions
Stone and rip my broken, paper heart
As you drag me through the depths
The imprints of your duplicitous behavior
Sets me as prey for the flying crow
Dragging me across the limestone of your tongue

My aura stained, energy spent
Begging, pleading, to rid our link
The repetitive actions stink
Of your tongue, your hands, now repent!

I was not your clay, to mold your way
Only if you knew the damage, the disrespect
My submission, not forced, came freely
As a gift, I gave you all of myself
The woes of my heart are screaming out
The karma that will come…I hope you melt!

i guai del mio cuore sono tutto ciò che provo
nei momenti di solitudine e isolamento, salvami

xoxo, E.M.

My Pieces Unheal

“Dial it back”

That’s what my gut tells me.

“Put up your wall and shut them out”

Each red flag that comes about

“Everything is good…we’re good”

I really cannot believe you and refuse to

The emphasis of your actions are null

Something feels off, a miss, and unbalanced

“Protect yourself”, I say…

Back away and quiet your words…

They do not deserve your dedication…your time…

My soul begins to burn as the timbers in the pit of a fire

I’m screaming inside my mind

I feel the pieces of my once full heart begin to unheal…break apart

With unrest in my mind turning my heart to glass…

I scream more inside my body

Each word coming from the mouths of those that do harm

Like a rock…thrown…cracking the glass already shattered once before

I scream more from my soul out of my own voice

“STOP PATRONIZING ME!”

Just stop…

Just go…

The shattered pieces no longer want to be glued together

The shards of glass that are now my heart are tired.

Goodbye.