I Found Out Today

Little secrets, little lies
Irrelevant at the time

Two hours later, not enough time
I was never really on your mind

Deception of mind, trying too hard
You never were really mine

All my money, financially struck
You used me while you moved on

Blame game, hurting my soul
I’m singing my same ole song

Loyalty I gave, destruction received
My heart is burning and in need

Broken promises, anger with hate
My word kept with tears on my face

Tearing burning heart, soul aflame
Maybe my stupidity is stronger than grace

Every single thing I had inside

Now crumble into nothing

My heart is cold and numb

Nothing left to give another soul

Your violations of trust burst inside me like fire

I found out.

© E.M. Kingston 2020


This is being posted for Fandango’s Flashback Friday. The original post was published on November 1, 2020.

Flashback Friday – Grounded Happily

This post was originally published on October 29,2020. I am sharing it again for Fandango’s Flashback Friday. I remember this day very well. It was a good day and clarified my standing with myself. I lost it again somewhere between then and now, but I am slowly coming back up.


It’s funny how time changes when you are alone.

Sometimes it flows slower because you are not racing to make anyone else happy anymore.

You can take a moment to breathe in a deep breath, and that breath revives your inner-self and soul.

It feels so good that even your bones feel free of release from pain, stress, worry, and anxiety.

You feel loose rather than the tightness of glue on your skin.

Alone feels like freedom when you allow yourself to feel truly in your own skin and space that belongs only to you.

You feel grounded.

Your soul regroups.

Then you’re able to feel surrounded by yourself and feel like you’re not alone anymore. 

© E.M. Kingston 2020

E.M.’s Flashback Friday – October 22, 2021

Each Friday, Fandango has a Flashback Friday to bring current one of our past posts. I did not have one for the 22nd on any of my submissions, which was funny to me, but I was not always consistent on posting. The post I am going to share with you is a poem from April 23, 2017. It was written right before my marriage ended.


Photo by Markus Spiske on Pexels.com

There…

 / EMKINGSTON / EDIT

There I sat weeping head in palms
Awaiting you to see me for who I am
Or who I was going to be

There I stood contemplating your mood
Wanting to reach out to you open-armed
But you turned your back to me

Why is this such a difficult task for us?
I ask with sad feelings and heart broke down
Do you see that I am returning your love?

There I listened to complaints of their woes
Hoping that there would be an end to the pain
And I failed yet again at making smiles on our faces

There I saw you moving forward away from me
Anguishing in the complexity of the situation
Only to feel more gut-wrenching sorrow from you

There I am…alone.

© E.M. Kingston

E.M.’s Photo Challenge #386

This is the first time using this Photo Challenge prompt from Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie, and I am really excited to try it. I am going to mix the word challenges in this creation, and I hope you all enjoy it.

Photo Credit: Caters

He looks down at the dirty streets filled with cars and people, and he wonders what it would feel like to fall. Tears fill his eyes in a flood of emotion, and he runs his fingers along the underside of groovy edges on the cement balcony upon which he sits while peeking over the edge of his knees. He feels like his life is an allusion of what he should be, and the sounds coming from below are bloodcurdling, loud, and triggering.

He is too scared to push off forward to his demise, and he hopes someone will come to save him from himself. He wants to look back but can only look down. His face flushes with fear, and his ears feel as hot as the sun in the desert.

Then it happened. He no longer felt like he was on fire. He feels divine intervention holding onto him as his heart races, causing a shiver in his bones.

“I can’t do this”, he says to himself. He slowly backs his bottom to where he can put each leg in a safe place and exits his looming demise.

“I have too much life to live to go out like this. Thank you, God!”

He exits the balcony, grabs a bottle of water, and walks out the door to never go back again.

Dark is the Night

Good morning everyone! I am going to do something a little different today for my word of the day. I am going to combine three blogs’ words of the day, and I am going to write it in the poetry style, Alliterisen, which I first saw from one of the blogs I follow called The skeptic’s kaddish. I will be doing three sequences of the style. The words of the day that I will be using are gallery from Word of the Day Challenge, black from The Daily Spur by Nox, and Kafkaesque from Fandango’s One Word Challenge. I wanted to try something new and really challenge myself, and I also wanted to feature many different blogs for you guys to check out. I hope you enjoy, and I always welcome feedback! *smiles* Here we go!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They are there in the darkest nights

To greet me, so to say, with their despair

I despise when they find me

Daring me to let them in my head

Light is lacking, black, dark

A gallery of Kafkaesque pictures

I feel no power, no control

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The trouble comes to me at my sleep

It is not dreams that come to me these slumbers

I am at their use, their device

Like a minion, the nightmare consumes me

I try to awaken, shook

My nerves balled up in fear, I scream loud

Heart pounding, I sit straight up, no breath

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dark is the night that finds you while sleeping

The blackness surrounding my bed consumes my soul

The pictures in my head feel too real

Uncontrollable, scary, powerless schemes

These night terrors put into me

Mind objectified, like a possession

No tranquility, my sleep only fright

My Version of Crazy

My mind races to a million or more negative places, it seems

I am the queen of my own torture, as I cannot stop the thoughts…

“Maybe everyone would prosper if I did not exist”

Then the worry comes…

Of who will love my children, my dogs, my little unnecessary stuff that surrounds me…

Who will I hurt?

Who will I bring to my level of despair with my selfish undertaking?

A conundrum of thoughts race around my brain like a hummingbird’s wings flap.

I’m screaming inside and quiet on the out…fake smiles filling my tired face.

I promise myself things will improve…get better…appease myself…

Rarely happens

Pain keeps stacking on my shoulder like a game of Jenga…weighing and unstable…

When will the tower fall atop of me, I wonder?

Who will pull the detrimental piece of the mental block inside my brain that causes me to fall?

I hope I never find out…

Despair…

From the time I wake up and until I lay down again and again and again

I feel lost

I feel sad

I feel unmovitavated

I feel alone

I feel betrayed

I feel hopeless

I feel worry

I am in despair.

I wake up again to more triggers and more backstabbing

A repeated cycle of feelings above…and despair

I’m tired

I’m suffering

I’m struggling to breath

I fall victim to myself

I give up

I go back to bed

I cry myself to sleep…

And repeat.

This cannot keep going on.

Beautiful?

Sometimes I get out of bed feeling good, and I put myself together feeling beautiful, accomplished, and happy. I try to start a new day better than the last, and that’s how I have been healing myself.

Then we have the days that I cannot bear my own reflection, and the day follows the same pattern. These are the days spent with the misery of past relationships, trauma, and abuse. I could write a book of everything and everyone who have killed seeing myself as a beautiful woman. These days are hard to heal.

The worst part of being a caring and thoughtful human being with empath skills is that you break easier and harder than the rest of the population that is considered “normal”. When someone causes pain to someone like myself, the first place it strikes is at the head of insecurities and weaknesses.

For me, those insecurities and weaknesses are contained within my self-image and vanity. I have never been a vain person, but I would rather look in the mirror and see myself as beautiful no matter who threw crap in my face. Some days are better than others, but I always hear my demons roar.

Today was an ugly day. I’m ready for a pretty one.

I Found Out Today

Little secrets, little lies
Irrelevant at the time

Two hours later, not enough time
I was never really on your mind

Deception of mind, trying too hard
You never were really mine

All my money, financially struck
You used me while you moved on

Blame game, hurting my soul
I’m singing my same ole song

Loyalty I gave, destruction received
My heart is burning and in need

Broken promises, anger with hate
My word kept with tears on my face

Tearing burning heart, soul aflame
Maybe my stupidity is stronger than grace

Every single thing I had inside

Now crumble into nothing

My heart is cold and numb

Nothing left to give another soul

Your violations of trust burst inside me like fire

I found out.

© E.M. Kingston 2020

Grounded Happily

It’s funny how time changes when you are alone.

Sometimes it flows slower because you are not racing to make anyone else happy anymore.

You can take a moment to breathe in a deep breath, and that breath revives your inner-self and soul.

It feels so good that even your bones feel free of release from pain, stress, worry, and anxiety.

You feel loose rather than the tightness of glue on your skin.

Alone feels like freedom when you allow yourself to feel truly in your own skin and space that belongs only to you.

You feel grounded.

Your soul regroups.

Then you’re able to feel surrounded by yourself and feel like you’re not alone anymore. 

© E.M. Kingston 2020