This week’s Truthful Tuesday from PCGuyIV asks:
Have you ever felt that one particular activity seemed to be consuming more of your life than you were happy about? Was it work, a hobby that got out of hand, health concerns or something else? Lastly, have you managed to take back control, or does it still seem to be running the show, as it were?
This is a great question, Frank! My activity that used to happen was that when I worked at the hospital I would end up sleeping and working more than being a normal human. The sleep would consume those hours that most normal people were living in because I worked the graveyard shift. I had to do my homework at work because when I got home I would sleep until about 7 p.m., eat food, and go back to work. Eventually, in March 2020, I was laid off due to my job being outsourced. I remember feeling relieved.
Then, after I was laid off right before the pandemic hit, my mental health deteriorated. I was very scared of Covid due to me being a smoker, and I sheltered-in-place voluntarily. I was scared to go to the grocery store, even with masks. When I was on my voluntary lockdown, the four walls around me triggered my manic and depressive episodes back and forth. I never knew who I was going to be when I woke up, and no one in the house did either. It was all bad, and I didn’t get me back until October of 2021. I was spiraling for over a year, and it almost destroyed relationships with family and friends.
When I am that broken for so long, bad things happen. There are bouts of anger, crying, cutting, and all kinds of risky behavior. Sex is usually my go-to when I am having episodes. However, even connecting with someone like that was too scary in the pandemic for me, and I became lonely after losing my ex-boyfriend to my craziness.
Medication and diagnosis have been the only ways that I got back control of myself. I feel good and have a positive outlook on life again.