Before reading, know that there are abuse triggers in this text. If you are easily triggered by stories of abuse, please read carefully. Big hugs 🤗
Eileen was hesitant to open the door leading up to the attic because she was afraid when she got up there she might find…memories that she had suppressed for a very long time. Even the thought of entering the house alone was bad enough, but that attic was somewhere she really never wanted to be again.
When she finally opened the door, all the bad juju that rested in the attic when she left came rushing back into her mind. That was a place of terror for Eileen. Always has been… and always will be.
It was the house that she grew up in, and it wasn’t like she wanted that part of her childhood revisited. Her mother was an evil woman, and everything about her was a lie. A lie because she was a terrible mother full of abusive hands and abusive words. In public, she was a model citizen that everyone loved and that patronized her, but when she shut the door to her own home…she ruled her own land very strictly and heavy-handed.
Eileen ran her hand along the leather chair that had a layer of dust upon it. That’s where she would sit for hours in the dark…naked with no heat or no blanket. Justice in Ethel’s house was served when Eileen’s lips turned blue from being so cold. The crime…not taking the dog for a walk in the snow.
If you misbehaved in Ethel’s home, you best believe that you had a lashing coming of a whole different magnitude of abuse. Eileen didn’t stand a chance against her mother. Her heart was too kind, and she tried not to be strong and take what she earned. It wasn’t that she was a difficult child that would rebel and lash out, but more the fact that she was secluded and bored.
Eileen wanted to destroy the entire room, but that wasn’t what she went there for. She actually chuckled at the thought of burning the entire house down to the ground many times…usually, the thought of her mother sitting in that chair burning to death made her happy. Even then she wouldn’t get back what she wanted from that house. There was one possession up in that attic that she would always want to take home with her.
Eileen wanted to collect her own soul. She left it there, and now she had come to collect it. Saying goodbye to that room and that part of her life was essential. She rubbed her belly with the child who was sleeping in her womb as she shut the door to that dreadful attic and never looked back.