This post that I am sharing for Flashback Friday is a sad one. I originally published this on my old blog on March 17, 2016. My dad had just passed in January, and the family got pretty ugly. I took the loss pretty hard.
Back Step: The Fight Within
This week has been one of those weeks that make me want to stand in the middle of the universe and let out a primal scream. Everything weighing on me feels so heavy, and I am not sure what to do anymore. On one hand, I have my medical needs that are being tended to. On the other hand, there is all of the mess that was left with Dad’s estate. I find myself angry that we were left with such a mess to deal with. After the heart attacks Dad had, he should have been better prepared. I don’t want to let anyone down, so I stand and keep fighting. I am just not sure how much longer I can keep it up.
All I keep hearing in my head is, “You never know. Something good might come of this. Hugs and Kisses. I love you more than words can say.” That was the last thing my Dad said to me. I just don’t see anything good coming of his death. All I see is greed and spitefulness. I see family turned against my sister and me for wanting a few things to remember our Dad by. We don’t want everything, but it would be our right to have everything. If Dad is watching all of this from above, I bet he is really disappointed how Missy and I have been treated by our “family”. Can they even be called that after all of this?
I think of Dad’s funeral when Pastor Lehman spoke of material possessions and to not let his passing be about that kind of stuff. It’s almost like he knew the battle that was about to happen. Maybe I am the only one that heard him as I sat there staring at the grey coffin holding my father’s body. I sat there shaking inside of myself looking at it. I heard every word of what the pastor was saying to us. Now I feel like it is up to me to make sure everything is treated right. I’m growing tired already. I really could use some strength or some help to get through this.
©E.M. Kingston 3/17/2016