My Version of Crazy

My mind races to a million or more negative places, it seems

I am the queen of my own torture, as I cannot stop the thoughts…

“Maybe everyone would prosper if I did not exist”

Then the worry comes…

Of who will love my children, my dogs, my little unnecessary stuff that surrounds me…

Who will I hurt?

Who will I bring to my level of despair with my selfish undertaking?

A conundrum of thoughts race around my brain like a hummingbird’s wings flap.

I’m screaming inside and quiet on the out…fake smiles filling my tired face.

I promise myself things will improve…get better…appease myself…

Rarely happens

Pain keeps stacking on my shoulder like a game of Jenga…weighing and unstable…

When will the tower fall atop of me, I wonder?

Who will pull the detrimental piece of the mental block inside my brain that causes me to fall?

I hope I never find out…